From Buddhism to Christianity and Finally to Islam

A dear sister tells her inspiring story:

            Two days ago I celebrated what I have dubbed my “hijab-versary”, the anniversary of the day I put on my first hijab. 367 days of covering my hair in front of unrelated men may not seem like a big deal, but for someone like me (a Chinese Canadian Christian from a Buddhist family), it’s been an unbelievable journey. So if you’ve got a few minutes to spare, I’d like to share my story with you.

            Growing up in largely Communist and Buddhist China in the 1990s, I never thought much about religion. I heard stories about the Jade Emperor, Mandate from Heaven, the Buddha, and I worshipped our ancestors, all of the Buddhas, and believed in dragons. In Islam, we believe everyone’s fate is written from the time Allah breathes their souls into their tiny bodies at 16 weeks of gestation. I didn’t know it then, but in 1999 when my parents decided to move to Canada when I was 12, it was really my first step towards a life as a Muslim, and everyday, I say ‘alhamdulillah’ for it.

            When we first moved to Canada, I didn’t speak very much English, and most of what I learned, I did so from TV. And my first exposure to the concept of Jesus (PBUH) and Christianity, was from TV shows from Christmas time. I remember watching The Nativity and being mesmerized by the miracle and sacrifice of Jesus and at the age of 14, I became, in my heart, a Christian. I dated a Christian boyfriend, I went to his church, I enjoyed Christian rock music, and I read the Bible, trying to study it and apply the teachings to my life. I was content as a modern Chinese Christian, my faith was “cool” and “hip” and I preached the beauty and peace and love of Christ to anyone that would listen.

            The reason I share my journey from a somewhat Buddhist to a Christian for two reasons: 1) my belief in a monotheistic God is what eventually put me on the way to Islam, and 2) having the experience of already having converted once away from the traditional beliefs of my family, was very important in giving me the courage to convert again.

            In 2006, I met my now fiance (we will be married next May, insha’Allah), and he is truly the man who has changed my life forever, Alhamdulillah. We were both in our early 20s, both religious, both educated, both in the sciences, and we had a lot in common. We spoke often about religion, and he was convinced from the beginning that he could change my mind and make me see my way to Allah. I, on the other hand, was more than arrogant that he would not, and boy was I wrong, and thank God that I was. In our discussions, we often talked philosophically about the tenants of Christianity and Islam, and never did I feel that I was wavering. Then suddenly one day, I found myself fearing Allah, fearing His consequences if I did not become a Muslim, and I realized, in a wash of clarity, that I had become a believer. And so, just like that, I became a Muslim instead of a Christian in July of 2006, and in a few weeks, I will celebrate my 7 year anniversary as a Muslimah. I often wonder how it is I have arrived at this blessed place in my life, and all I can say is, this was Allah’s plan for me, and everyday I am grateful.

            When I first converted to Islam, I found the prospect of having to cover my hair alien and tough to understand. To say I thought it old-fashioned (and frankly, mysogynistic) was the understatement of the century. Yet as I understood the meaning and message of the hijab, and began befriending modern, intelligent, independent, fierce, and modest young hijabis, I found an exotic beauty in this foreign garment. It is elegant, beautiful, incredibly feminine, and added something a little ‘je ne sais quois’ to the woman wearing it. And I thought (and fantasized) about wearing a hijab for a long time, but never found the courage to finally put it on. Then in June of last year, I experienced a fairly significant personal hardship that finally solidified my desire to wear the hijab. People often say that one moves closer to God in times of crisis, and this was definitely true for me. In my time of hardship, my newly donned hijab, along with my daily prayers, gave me a sense of comfort I desperately needed.

            However, change isn’t always easy; and this is especially true for a convert and new hijabi living with a non-Muslim family. But before I share this part of my experience, I must start by saying that I am very lucky (alhamdulillah) to have parents who are fairly liberal in their views. And because of this liberal attitude, when I became a Muslim, there was very little resistance from my mom and dad, even though they are both Buddhists. My mother stopped cooking anything containing pork for me, and my father was merely curious about some of the practices (how and where to perform salat, for example). My little sister was even easier to convince: being 14 years younger, she idolizes me (or at least I’d like to think so, lol) and has tons of Muslim friends who she adores.

            So when I decided to put on the hijab, it was my little ray of sunshine (Alicia, 11 years old) who was captain of my cheerleading squad. My parents were a slightly different story. I think my mother experienced something akin to the stages of grief: 1. disbelief - she laughed it off and never thought I’d keep it up for more than a few days; 2. anger - she told me how silly it looked and told me how it was an embarrassment to her in front of her friends; 3. bargaining - she told me to wear it but only when I was not within her visual field; and then finally 4. acceptance - she now no longer comments on my hijabs and we go out to dinner or shopping sometimes while I’m wearing it - she even offered to make something to help me organize all of my hijab pins (of which I have many). My father spoke to me for about 10 minutes one day to say that it was not our custom and never brought it up again; but I think that’s just part of the male personality. In any case, I’m happy to report that whatever their initial reactions, my parents have now accepted my choice, as they have accepted all of my choices over the course of my adult life. I think it’s because they recognize that it is my life to live and I alone have to live with the consequences of my choices, a philosophy I plan to adopt when I have children of my own.

            The perception of my decision to wear the hijab from others in my life have been mostly positive. All of my Muslim friends congratulated me on the choice and they showered me with tips on how to match scarves to clothes, gifts (scarves, hijab pins, etc.) and all kinds of encouragement. My colleagues at work were also extremely understanding, and their acceptance is something I will always remember and be grateful for. The perception of everyday strangers is somewhat mixed: some think the hijab is beautiful, some find it confusing, and some are downright hostile. I’ve received prolonged stares, obvious glares, and sometimes curiosity-driven queries. Many Muslims and Asians ask me why I wear a hijab (I suppose this is understandable since a Chinese Canadian Muslim wearing a hijab is somewhat of a rare thing) but most are very pleasant. But I’ve also experienced not-so-nice (and not so quiet) whispers, pointing followed by laughing, and sometimes just the death stare.

            So what are my thoughts? In the beginning, it was very difficult, very different, and very exciting. (In hindsight, choosing to cover up your hair during one of the hottest summers in Toronto ever recorded was probably not the wisest. In the few days following my decision to wear the hijab, temperatures in the GTA soared to well above 40 in some cases, and I was hot!) I was receiving pressure from home and some negativity from those around me, and it became very difficult to keep on my path. On top of that, I didn’t know how to match scarves to clothes at first, so all of my outfits looked absolutely ridiculous. But somehow, by the grace of Allah, I woke up every morning and put on my scarf. Slowly, I became more and more comfortable being a hijabi, and these days, I’d feel naked if I ever left the house without a headscarf. But the most important thing about wearing the hijab is how it makes me feel. In times of anger, it calms me; in times of sadness, it comforts me; it times of trial and tribulation, it encourages me. It makes me feel closer to Allah, and that’s  why I put it on in the first place. 

7 Tips for a Productive Ramadan

     The countdown to Ramadan has begun. How many of us are beating with excitement?

     It’s okay don’t feel guilty now if you aren't. Ramadan is the month for cleansing and renewal. You’ve got a month to turn your life around. This month was made for us to practice discipline in all areas of our lives. So I made a list to solidify my commitment to change and I hope that it will be beneficial to others as well inshallah.

 Translation: The month of Ramadhan [is that] in which was revealed the Qur'an, a guidance for the people and clear proofs of guidance and criterion. So whoever sights [the new moon of] the month, let him fast it; and whoever is ill or on a journey - then an equal number of other days. Allah intends for you ease and does not intend for you hardship and [wants] for you to complete the period and to glorify Allah for that [to] which He has guided you; and perhaps you will be grateful. [2:185]

Here’s some tips for a productive Ramadan this year:

1. Renew intentions:

     It starts with a change in language and ends with a change in perception. We are never in it to “survive” it. What you perform in good deeds is ultimately a favor you serve yourself. Allah subhanahu wa tal’aa gave you an opportunity to multiply your bank of deeds this month and he opened up his gates of heaven for forgiveness. It’s up to you if you would like to look at Ramadan as a burden. But remember that you are doing yourself a great disfavor by doing so. Think "my ibadah is to save me from hell fire". It does not increase or decrease from Allah’s greatness. Let us change our language from passive to positive. We must perceive Ramadan as the month of bonuses whereby we are granted extra reward for the same deeds we perform everyday. So naturally, we want to load up as much reward as possible in this open window of opportunity, right? This means embracing Ramadan as a month of increased productivity and jihad (effort). So do yourself the favour and don’t deduct from your regular plans. On the contrary, you should add to your usual schedule.

"O son of Adam, I did not create you for my own benefit, but that you benefit from Me as your God, alone, for I am your saviour" (Hadith Qudsi)

2. Set prior goals:

     We all want this month to guide us towards becoming the better Muslim we wish to be. We want to pray more, give more zakat, perform more prayers and duas. However, try not to get too caught up with this vague vision which can leave you rather disappointed at the end of Ramadan. You are not an angel. You will still commit mistakes in Ramadan and that is okay. But we’ve got to seek tangible ways to getting us closer to our goals. It can start with a list on your bedroom mirror or a wall calendar. Make sure to be specific and detailed in your goals and to pace yourself in stages. Your list should be tailored to your strengths and weaknesses. We don’t all make ibadah the same way at the same time and so we are different, our goals should be different too. Here’s an example of a Ramadan to-do-list with tangible goals:

1) Read the Quran at least once: make a checklist to track down 4 pages for each salat and increase the number of pages the last 10 days. Make it a priority to read the tafseer for some of the ayat you are reading in order to get the full benefit.

2) Feed the hungry at least twice a week : that could be as simple as preparing suhoor for your own family or volunteering at a homeless shelter.

3) Attend one halaqa every Friday: can’t find any? Watch a 20 minute lecture online or plan a meeting with friends. You don’t need to be a scholar to give forth an Islamic reminder.

4) Pray fager at the Masjid every other day: by the end of the month, you should be going everyday and for other prayers as well (this goal should be mostly set for men).

5) Prepare a Qiyam-Al-Layl regimen twice a week: tailored to how you make ibadah. Be specific and make it your own program. (for example, 20 minutes dua and 10 minute prayer followed by 15 minutes of reading/listening to Quran)

6) Volunteer and give back to the community once a week: Visit your local masjid for iftar, schedule a halaqa or quran reading session. Give zakat as well.

3. Don’t skip Suhoor:

     Your suhoor and your iman is your fuel for the day. Give yourself enough time to eat and maybe leave some time before fajr for just a glass of water and dua. Choose your foods wisely. Avoid fried foods and food with plenty of salt. I find yogurt, dates, hard boiled eggs, fruits and vegetables to be best. Carbohydrates from bread tends to weigh us down for some reason. I found this great article with recommendations of specific foods to eat.

4.Balance social and private life:

     There are some of us who choose to completely isolate themselves from the outside world during Ramadan. And then there are those who get caught up in the fancy cultural things and indulge themselves in outings after iftar with others. We need to learn to balance. You are not benefiting yourself as much as you think by gluing yourself to that prayer mat and frankly, not others around you either. You are also not benefiting yourself when you get heavily distracted by friends and family. What you choose to feed the guests, that fancy table cloth and napkins will not benefit your deen if it is not directed towards Allah. Similarly  the one who limits their ibadah to themselves without serving others and fulfilling his regular duties to the household and the community could be missing out on some other opportunities. Ramadan is also about self-reflection and strengthening your relationship with Allah which is a private matter that we must learn to be alone in order to achieve. It’s all in the intention, if you go to work, for example, with the intention of serving your family and making zakat then you will be rewarded, wa allahu a’lam.

    Narrated Abu Salma bin ‘Abdur Rahman: I asked ‘Aisha, “How is the prayer of Prophet Sallallahu Alayhe Wasallamduring the month of Ramadan.” She said, “Prophet Sallallahu Alayhe Wasallam never exceeded eleven Rakat in Ramadan or in other months; he used to offer four Rakat– do not ask me about their beauty and length, then four Rakat, do not ask me about their beauty and length, and then three Rakat.(Bukhari)

     Narrated ‘Aisha, the mother of the faithful believers: One night Prophet Sallallahu Alayhe Wasallam offered the prayer in the Mosque and the people followed him. The next night he also offered the prayer and too many people gathered. On the third and the fourth nights more people gathered, but Allah’s Apostle did not come out to them. In the morning he said, “I saw what you were doing and nothing but the fear that it (i.e. the prayer) might be made obligatory on you, stopped me from coming to you.” And that happened in the month of Ramadan. (Bukhari)

     Anas said, "Three people came to the houses of the wives of the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, to ask about how the Prophet worshipped. When they were told, it was as if they thought it was little and said, 'Where are we in relation to the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, who has been forgiven his past and future wrong actions?'" He said, "One of them said, 'I will pray all of every night.' Another said, 'I will fast all the time and not break the fast.' The other said, "I will withdraw from women and never marry.' The Messenger of Allah came to them and said, 'Are you the ones who said such-and-such? By Allah, I am the one among you with the most fear and awareness of Allah, but I fast and break the fast, I pray and I sleep, and I marry women. Whoever disdains my sunna is not with me.'" [Agreed upon]

5. Quit bad habits:

     Studies have shown that it takes a good 21-30 days to break a habit. You've got plenty of time this Ramadan to kick all those annoying habits out of your life. Make sure to pace yourself and set more restrictions as the month progresses; unless you’re strong willed enough to cut off the whole habit from day one. Here are some examples of bad habits we can cut this month:

1) Listening to music : perhaps you’d like to cut off all music, or maybe just listening to nasheed, up to you.

2) Shopping and restaurant visits: Places that distract you from your deen should not be visited so readily. Try not to get too caught up in the Eid gear shopping. What’s the worst that could happen if you pick out an outfit you’ve already got hanging in your closet?

     Reported by Abu Hurairah (RA): The Prophet (peace be upon him) said, "The dearest parts on the face of the earth near Allah are its mosques, and the most hated parts near Allah are its markets.''  

3) Smoking

4) Distracting or inappropriate websites: block them from your internet.

5) Watching television: television is for the brain dead. Catch up on your news through the paper or online. Pick up a book maybe?

6) Skipping sunnah and athkar after prayer: make a checklist and write down your athkar.

6. Get on a sleep schedule:

     Don’t switch night to day and day to night. We all know that’s just an excuse to let time fly. Don’t miss out on this great month with sleep. This is a good time to get your sleep on a schedule for 7-8 hours a day. There’s an app you can download to your phone that can help you. Take advantage of the early hours and make dua during sunrise and sunset.

7.Find creative ways to remember Allah:

     Who said ibadah had to be so black and white? Find nasheeds, apps that remind you of Allah or counters that keep track of your tasbeeh. Or get creative and write poetry, song or dua and share with your friends and family. Start a club. Memorize the Quran with your friends on a point system or organize a fundraiser for the poor. Use your skills to guide you closer to Allah.

Ramadan Mubarak!

What's your problem with modesty?

A dear sister sends a strong message to those who argue against modesty:


      Everyone, especially people who consider themselves "radical feminists" needs to piss off with their attitude towards women who dress modestly. Your arguments that modesty are actually a result of patriarchy, and that women who dress modestly are somehow subservient to years of patriarchal tradition is in and of itself patronizing and untrue. That is actually taking a reactionary position. I'm sorry if you are/were shamed about the way that you dress, or are/were forced to "cover up". (I'm not here to judge anyone who dresses differently). However that has not been my (and many other) women's experience. Asserting that the concept of modesty (in any form) is "disgusting" is a PRODUCT of patriarchy and asserts the Western hegemonic narrative. You are undermining my knowledge of my own religion (or others personal beliefs) as well as assuming that I am intellectually incapable of interpreting my religion in a way that is NOT patriarchal (rather I find it empowering). In this hypersexualized society where women are objectified in EVERY way, I feel more comfortable when people cannot see my body. It's bad enough to have ACTUAL patriarchy police women's bodies, but to add women (esp. those who are "feminists") to that list is just sad. I don't understand why people feel ENTITLED to comment on what women wear/don't wear. I choose what parts of my body people can see, I choose WHO can see it. Please understand that.

*side note* Islamically, the concept of modesty applies to both women AND men.

A Jihadist's Love for Language

      A dear sister writes a thoughtful reflection on the powerful association of words to their meanings:

     There are a few words that I strongly dislike, primarily because they lack a single definition and so, are ambiguous in their meanings: jihadist, islamist, fundamentalist, extremist, and the likes. I believe these are dangerous words, as it seems they are capable of evoking a range of emotions and responses, without carrying a definitive definition.  

     A person who speaks, or even just understands, Arabic knows the definition of "jihad", a word that stems from the Arabic word “johd”, meaning effort, and defined as anything that serves as a source of effort.  True, the Holy Quran makes multiple references to “jihad” as a physical struggle of arms and war, but it is important to identify this word as one that existed prior to the revelation of the Quran and encompasses and means more than its Quranic reference and definition.  Nowadays, the word jihadist does not seem to encompass everyone who exhibits any form of effort, else we would all be labeled jihadists.

     What is an islamist? If it is, at it appears, a person who follows the religion of Islam, this would make the word islamist synonymous to the word Muslim. So, when I use the word islamist to describe someone, and not myself, a Muslim, I may unintentionally be implying:

a) I am a non-islamist, which sounds like I'm either not Muslim or oppose Islam, or both

b) The person I am identifying as an islamist is the single and proper representation of Islam as a religion and Muslims as followers of that religion.  

     Somewhat symbolic is the fact that as I write this opinion piece (this is all my opinion, not to be taken as concrete truth or fact), Microsoft Word has underlined in red the word islamist, warning me of my grammatical error.  Apparently, I should be capitalizing the word islamist as I would Islam.  Word provides no synonyms to the word, and I personally refuse to capitalize a word so ambiguous in its meaning.  Instead I will italicize all my references to the words for which I am seeking definitions.

    Fundamentalist and extremist are dangerous words in a different way.  The dictionary definition of fundamental reads: “serving as, or being an essential part of … being an original or primary source”.  When we refer to someone as fundamental, we are identifying them as true and correct, in fact, exceptionally true and correct.  Unfortunately, I have seen this word used to describe something or someone that is in essence incorrect.  Even more, the fundamental teachings and studies of Islamic science, in Arabic “Aqeedah” revolve primarily around faith, belief, and principles, not religious rituals and practices.  Knowing this, it becomes ironic to identify today’s religious fundamentalists as those that are more prominently opinionated and vocal regarding religious action-based obligations as opposed to thought-based obligations. 

     Identifying the ambiguity of the word extremist is even simpler.  In referencing this word, do we consider how far off from moderate and balanced an extremist of anything is?  I would answer no, seeing as how if we did, a religion would not be associated with its extremist believers more often than anyone else.  Even more, I think we need to question more often than we do at what point a person, belief, or stance is so “extreme” that it becomes different. To me, there is great irony in the fact that a strong fundamental foundation is required to develop the solid strength of anything – from physical structures to fluency in language

     Words are very powerful as they often carry meanings much heavier than their dictionary definitions.  This is why language is used to make things either beautiful or ugly – often more beautiful or uglier than they actually are.  I pray that we are all able to consider the adequacy and meanings of the words we speak, hear, and read so as to appreciate the power of words and master ability to understand and manipulate them properly. 

A Muslima's Top 10 Issues with Facebook

      Hey, I know. I’m pretty sure we all have our reasons to be annoyed of Facebook. I’m also sure you’ll find plenty of other lists talking about this. But I want to cover some issues which hit home with me on a daily basis when I log in. And if you’re wondering, no I will not give a fatwa on Facebook. The last thing we need is to isolate ourselves from the rest of the world. There’s no harm in choosing to stay off these networks and there are plenty of reasons why I would agree with that approach. Yet, I find Facebook to be a tool. Any tool can be abused and misused. Life is about balancing priorities. Make a list of the advantages and disadvantages of being on Facebook and give them a scaled weight out of 10. Check the total score and compare. If your losses are more than your gains, you should reconsider having that account. As for this list, the order of the points on this list is not really that significant.

     Here are my top 10 issues with Facebook :

10. Selfies: 

     I don’t know when, how or why these “self-portraits” blew up all of the sudden. It seems it started with a few girls who were confident enough to get real close to the camera. However, they have not realized the implications of what they started. Ultimately, it’s your Facebook account. You can do however you wish with it. You might have your settings up and your lists set to block off men from seeing your photos. And at the end of the day your face is not awra. But the problem I find is when we complain about models being too perfect and too retouched, and we go off and do the same. Facebook has become a modeling search campaign. With selfies, women can be compared so easily and I’m quite sure those men and boys on your list are monopolizing that opportunity you presented to them and then there are some who just feel so awkward when your face pops up on their screen like that. The bottom line is, if it’s a photo you do not want your employer seeing, or a photo which you would not show a hard copy to that random guy on your list, then it’s probably not the one to use. If the thought of that makes you feel uncomfortable, then perhaps we should choose a new photo or no photo at all. Brothers, if you’re reading this, I have no idea why you would need a selfie. Isn't it all about the muscle with you guys?

9. Facebook as a record book:

     Now with that timeline in place, the world knows your conversation history. That time in grade 10 when you ranted inappropriately in a status calling for your boyfriend to come back to you is not something you want held against you. Let’s face it, even a year ago you were different. You just don’t want to see that again, let alone let the world see it for themselves. Those were stages of you. And now you are probably at your best stage of growth and maturity (hopefully) and you don’t want that holding you back. Facebook has the option to adjust the privacy of everything on your timeline. Change it to “only me” and keep your most recent posts available for your friends or public to see. God tells us to conceal our faults and sins and we choose to expose ourselves so easily.

Abdullah Ibn Masoud (May allah be pleased with him) related, `A man came to the Prophet and said: `O Messenger of Allah! I have mingled with a woman in the far side of al-Medina, and I fulfilled my desire short of actually having sexual intercourse with her. So, here am I, judge me according to what you decide.' Umar Ibn al-Khattab (May allah be pleased with him) then said: `Allah had kept your secret, why did you not keep your secret?' [Sahih Muslim]

8. Publicity: 

     Everything is so public. From your events to your live activity to whether a person has seen your message to even your feelings now. Facebook also has the option to pinpoint your location. Where is the mystery in life? Bottom line is, the options are there but that doesn't mean you should use them. Let’s all practice modesty shall we?

     To touch on another point, we have a relationship status option which I find to be abused quite often. One, there are some of you who think it’s cute to put your best friend as your wife and there are some who decide to announce their marriage to Facebook before their friends and family. Please people, don’t.

7. Distance from reality: 

     I’m starting to find that the more news on our "news feed", the less we care. Especially since our news reporting as people on Facebook is pretty much biased by our views; whether our people are effected or sometimes depending on your area of study. So the problem lies when we associate certain individuals with specific events where it becomes “his/her” important news and not mine.  Be careful folks.

6. Illusion of celebrity life:

    You log into to that timeline, read all the nice posts from your favorite friends and the comments from all the people who adore you. Life seems good. I mean obviously the friends who comment are the ones who love you. You could be the most annoying person on someone's list but they'll almost never tell you. There's no room for personal growth on these networks. We assume that the more 'likes" a person receives, the more they are liked. Which may not always be the case. Everything with Facebook is meant to be centered around you. You log into that homepage and it asks you how you are feeling. The truth is, no one really cares. Facebook just feeds the ego. But I think as long as you are aware of this, you should be okay.

5.Illusion of connection: 

     Facebook is supposed to be our social networking tool whereby we "connect" with other folk. I'm going to argue against this. There is a lot more of an "illusion of connection" rather than pure connection. Why do we add people on our list who have nothing to do with our lives and have not connected with us in years? Do we really care what they think about us? With Facebook, everyone's homepages gives them this illusion of sincere connection when really they are merely bystanders. This illusion oftentimes gives us less of a need to call up or meet with someone we truly appreciate and there's a lack of quality in our friendships because of this. Even Facebook invites are so dry. What happened to the time when we used to send cards through the mail or actually invite people in person? Those were the days. If you're still living those days, then you're a lucky one.

4.Ill intentions and perfectionism:

    You've got that wall or timeline where you can show the world who you are. So obviously, which parts of us do we show? The most awesome parts. Even if it holds less than 5% of our interest, if it makes us look good, we'll share it with the world as though it is our passion. Even in the best of our intentions we often write to boost our reputations whether or not we are conscious of what we do. We share our highlights with the world and everyone begins to believe that every moment in our lives is the same. Let us be transparent and honest with ourselves even if this doesn't please the world around us. To be yourself is the ultimate freedom. Ask yourself a series of questions before you post something:

1) Will this benefit anyone?

2) Am I writing this for myself or for others to see?

3) Do I have a deeper intention for sharing this?

4) Would I be okay if random people on my list (like your fifth grade teacher) saw it ?

ps. This point is partly why this blog is anonymous.

"The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else's highlight reel" -Steve Furtick

3. Awkward statuses:

     Stop making us feel so awkward and uncomfortable with your statuses, please. I mean that in the sweetest way possible. Think about it for a sec. If you had all your Facebook friends together in one hall, would you pick up a megaphone and read out loud your status? I narrowed down the most awkward status types in my opinion:

1) Too vague: The statuses that make us link all that we know about you to decode this ball of mystery you just exposed to the world. That song lyric or that poem leaves us so confused. You don't want to bring suspicion to yourself please. Make sure if it's vague, then it's positive and not personal.

2) Too detailed: You outfit of the day. Your nails. Your workout routine. Your food. Your location. No one is interested please. Start a blog maybe?

3) Fishing for Dua or forgiveness: It's not the worst thing in the world don't get me wrong. But we abuse it sometimes. We ask others to make dua for us before we've prayed and made dua for ourselves. Your friends for the sake of Allah should be making dua without any reminders. If you want others to make dua for you, the least you can do is private message them. At least it makes them feel special. Fishing for forgiveness is also placed in the same category. Will asking 500+ folk to forgive you at once really get their hearts moving? Or are you just trying to find an easy way to clean your slate? Please apologize to people in person or on the phone. And perhaps you should cut yourself some slack. You didn't commit murder (hopefully).

4) Accomplishments: It's cool to share your accomplishments like graduation and whatnot. But are you over-sharing them? Are you using that "I" word too much?  

2. An addiction and tool for procrastination:

     Facebook is made to condition you into addiction. That red bubble pops up and triggers your reward centers every time you log on. Even if it's just a lousy game request, you've been conditioned to receive that red notification the same way. The only way to cause the extinction of your conditioning is to go for days without any notifications. But we all know that won't happen. Even when you deactivate, it's quite easy to resume since all of your information is still stored. Imagine if you had to restart your profile all over again each time? You wouldn't come back on Facebook again. To overcome an addiction, one must be away from the triggers of an addiction and with the internet and reactivation so easy, it becomes increasingly difficult to quit. Not to mention, it's almost impossible stay away from procrastination an focus on one particular thing on Facebook. You have to check all your notifications at once. There's an app you can add to chrome which gives you a time limit on particular websites for the day. Try it out. Or you can deactivate during times of focus and always come back when you've got spare time.

  

1. The forgotten folk:

     Do not forget the folk who aren't on Facebook! Just because they are away from that social network, does not mean they don't exist and don't need social interaction. Call them up. Send them a text message or e-mail. Invite them personally to your events. And please stop pressuring them to join our world. They don't have to and their choice should be respected.

"Do not love the world, and the almighty will love you; do not have a longing for that which people have, and they will love you." (ibn-majah hadith)

My Most Humiliating Childhood Memory

     New country. New school. New language. New attempts at forming friendships.  I had just barely managed to get into the habit of taking on high school when my parents made the call to move. The move from the western world to the east came with its own set of challenges. So many years of being in a country moulds you into a unique mix of your origins with the culture of the new land. Returning to where my parents assumed I belonged proved to be far from what I would call home.

     The new school was so different. I adhered to a strict uniform with freshly cut nails, plain higabs and closed toe shoes. The morning school announcements put us in lines and exercises that were meant to discipline and impose strict rules regarding what was appropriate and what was not. We were blasted with patriotic songs which could never be questioned or changed. The first day came with condescending stares, many questions and sometimes complete disregard for the new kid who was coming from such a foreign place. Having all 20-something female teachers made for an awkward tit-for-tat between the students and the teachers where sometimes I found myself feeling older than I was, caught between the unnecessary drama and conflict of amateurs.

     I was a simple child. I wore what was asked of me because I was a simple dresser anyway and liked my nails cut that way. The morning routine was a bit of a joke since we all knew what the agenda of it all was and we didn’t question the practice and risk to fall as outsiders to the system. But I desperately wanted to belong. So many years of being told where I belonged meant this is what I had to put up with to feel in tune with my origins. I worked for hours on this new rediscovered language and tried desperately to win over everyone’s approval. I longed for any hints that this new world was pleased with me. Here is where I experienced my most humiliating childhood memory:

     She laughed. Laughed so hysterically I thought it was sarcasm at certain points. More laughs started slowly erupting from the class; some nervous and some true. I felt my eyes burn and my voice begin to shake.  “I have to hold it together”, I told myself. I was humiliated by my own teacher; An Islamic studies teacher to make matters worse. Before this I remember how excited I was to finally get the chance to show the class who I am and to speak about something I was passionate about. We were assigned to take on a lesson in Islamic studies and I was so confident this would finally prove that I’m not as foreign as they think I am. At a point in the lesson, I brought up an analogy which I thought was wonderful. The example of the salmon that jumps against the flow of water to try and find the perfect place to lay its eggs. I explained how this is an example of how working against the current and towards a goal leads to a rewarding outcome, with the rewarding outcome being jannah. I was interrupted by my teacher who blurted out “salmon!??”

     I said “yes”.  I was almost expressionless and speechless at the sheer amount of ridicule directed towards me. “You mean like the fish?!” And I said yes again. And from there she couldn’t contain herself and her laughs sparked a chain of more ridicule and embarrassment towards me with more laughs at every mistake in pronunciation or grammar. I felt every word coming out of my mouth after that moment so insignificant and stupid. I felt lack of credibility. I failed at fitting in and as much as I tried, no one could accept me as an equal.

But that was okay in the end.

     Not everyone has to understand you. Not everyone has to give you a patient listening ear. Not all those who should be your role model in this world will live up to your expectations. Respect will always be seen with some folk as something to be earned rather than something of which every human on this earth deserves. All I needed was a fair shot. I needed a shot at being a better and bigger person for myself and I wasn't allowed that opportunity.

     There are times in life that almost seem to stamp out the rest of your life. Your wounds feel like they have been left open with scars forming where none were before. But I learned that when people don’t give you a chance, then you must remember to give yourself that shot instead.

     Do not allow your adversity to determine your tomorrow. Do not allow those who do not believe in you determine your self-worth. It is up to you to realize that the world may not be fair and that’s okay. But you must be easy on yourself. Wake up every morning as a new day and a new person. Go at it. Even if you have to go at it alone. Allah is with you.

    I wouldn't be writing for you today if it wasn't for her. So I thank her and I pray, not for the children of the world to be sheltered from these experiences, but for them to know that they are not defined by them and only by what they choose. I pray they learn to get up and challenge the world for the better.

     Thank you for your reading. You didn’t have to. But you did. And I’m grateful for the moments that lead me to this.

Racist Things Your Fellow Muslims Say to Each Other

   

     *Cringe*

     Oh, this is awkward...

     We're one big beautiful homogeneous ummah aren't we? Perhaps the word racism is much too strong. No Muslim is racist, right? We just have some dislikes for things is all.

     Sure, I mean you can choose to believe that being a Muslim is your one way ticket to Utopia whereby everyone is looked upon equally for their character before their race. But you mustn't deny that forming that rosy image in your mind is silence and complicity. Nothing is ever stationary, things are constantly happening around us. 

    Your silence is oppression.

     So, why do we deny racism in the Muslim community? 

     Perhaps it's because we wish to maintain the colonial mentality where only white folk can truly be racist against Muslims and the idea of shedding light on racism in Islam disperses us and makes us look weaker as an ummah. Or maybe we don't want to evaluate our racism in everyday life and put people we love in a negative light. Racist people in the past were labelled as Nazis among other things and no one wants to be grouped into that category. Or perhaps we're afraid of critical self-evaluation where our faults are exposed to the world and open to monopolization by mainstream forces and other Muslims around us. Or God forbid, the worst case scenario; we assume that our discrimination comes about as a natural product of one's race and has nothing to do with our perception.

     But lack of confrontation of a problem does not mean it doesn't exist.

    Our strength as an ummah should not lie with our ability to overlook certain aspects of our lifestyles and to "focus on the positive" but it should lie with our willingness to detect problems and choose to label them as such. Once we label an issue, we must take concrete steps to find ways to raise awareness and diminish the problem.

     I am going to make this image super clear in the next few minutes while you're reading. It's going to hurt and it might make you sad. But I'm sure it will hit home. This list is real.


Here are some racist things your fellow Muslims have said:


1. "We don't marry outside our sect"

2. "I don't hate brown people. They just annoy me"

3. "Brown people are wanna-be-Arabs"

4. "That's not our mosque"

5. "You're so whitewashed"

6. "She's pretty for a black girl"

7. "I feel like pissing off my parents and marrying a brown guy"

8. "I went to their house, and they were like the civilized type of Pakis, they don't smell or anything."

9. "Hes so religious, he would even marry a black girl and not care"

10. "Your husband must have really cultured you"

11. "For an Arab girl, you really aren't like the usual racist Arabs."

12. "I'm so tanned, I'm gonna get mistaken for Somali"

13. "I hate when people guess I'm from Pakistan."

14. "Abeed (slave)" "urdud ( monkeys)"

15. "Couldn't we get an Arab to teach them the Quran"

16. "Arab guys are so controlling and close minded. Hello white converts..."

17. "Somalian people have too many children"

18. [at Juma] "why doesn't he talk Arabic. We're all Arab here anyway"

19. "Obviously the MSA is being run by Arab for Arab"

20. "Not that I'm racist, but..."

21. "Brown people are too religious"

22. "You don't even act black, you're so well spoken" 

23. "Mashallah our shiekh is Saudi, this is gonna be a good Ramadan"

24. "Why don't you read Quran? Even Brown people read more than you"

25. "Why have a Pakistani imam when there are Arab brothers available?"

25. "Arab girls are party girls"

26. "All that Arabs do is belly dance and smoke shisha"

    Oh, you didn't think any of these statements were racist? Let us revise the definition of racism shall we?

Racism: a belief or doctrine that inherent differences among the various human races determine cultural 

or individual achievement, usually involving the idea that one's own race is superior and has the right to

 rule others. (source)

I wrote previously about arrogance:

"Abdullah ibn Mas’ud reported: The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “No one who has the weight of a mustard seed of arrogance in his heart will enter Paradise.” Someone said, “Indeed, a man loves to have beautiful clothes and shoes.” So the Prophet said, “Verily, Allah is beautiful and He loves beauty. Arrogance means rejecting the truth and looking down on people.”

   A mustard seed?! That could be one look down on your mother, or a child, or a homeless person or a disabled individual. It would be a shame to come so close to the doors of heaven only to have them shut in front of you because you believed once that you were better than anyone else. Keep in mind that arrogance does not pertain to one's dress. Although the prophet (peace be upon him) used to be indistinguishable from the companions that even foreigners had a hard time locating him. 

But, how do we become nonjudgmental and more modest? 

   During the prophet's (peace be upon him) time, there was one man who used to appear drunk to the public in the daytime and the companions at one point wanted to issue him a punishment. The prophet (peace be upon him) addressed them and said "Do not curse him, for I swear by Allah, if you only knew just how very much indeed he loves Allah and His Messenger." 

He then added:

"Do not help Satan against your brother."(Al-Bukhari)

  Let us realize that Allah's mercy is vast and never ending. Only He has the power to conceal our faults and forgive us on the day of judgement. Some of us who judge others for sinning have put themselves at a high status, thinking that they are fairer than Allah (subhanahu wa ta'laa). When we judge, we judge others for their exposed sins while we ourselves have hidden sins that would shame us if they were to ever be exposed to the world. Always thank Allah for his mercy on us and always have mercy on others. Leave the judging to Him." (source)

“O mankind, We have created you all from a single (pair of a) male and female and made you nations and tribes so that you get to know one another; verily, the noblest of you in the sight of God is the one who is most mindful of Him. God is All-Knowing, All-Aware.” Quran: 49:13

The prophet, peace be upon him's last sermon addressed racism:

“O mankind, there is no superiority for an Arab man/woman over a non-Arab man/woman, or for a non-Arab man/woman over an Arab man/woman, or for white man/woman over a black man/woman, or for a black man/woman over a white man/woman. All of you are descended from Adam and Adam has been created from dust of the ground.”

I can't find concluding words better than the words of Allah and the prophet (pbuh). We've still got a long way to go before I can conclude on racism.