5 Common Myths about Women and Intimate Partner Violence

 I remember before starting my work in the field of gender based violence and domestic abuse how much I was afraid of it and from what it meant. I had many ideas about the status of women in our community that were proven later to be completely false. I guess my ignorance was a good sign of not having experienced domestic violence or witnessed abuse directly growing up. But for those who experience the risk of gender based violence on a daily basis, the reality is much more complicated. Here are some myths that I discovered, often through conducting trainings and awareness raising sessions that were prevalent among many that I wanted to share with you.

1.       Everyone is familiar with abuse

You may be surprised to know that not everyone defines abuse in the same way. Depending on the backgrounds of who you may be speaking to, abuse can mean very different things. From my time conducting awareness sessions on gender based violence with refugee women, I found that many considered marital rape and physical violence, for example, to be one of the husband’s rights, with some even casually mentioning that “we all get hit every day” and that it is part of any normal relationship between a wife and her husband. Some women also engage frequently in blaming the wife for any abuse she may face stating that some women need a “beating” sometimes to conform and submit to their traditional roles as homemakers. Also, in some cultures, instances of child marriage and denial of basic resources or neglect is encouraged and expected. It is important to note though, that women who hold these views often are not aware that their rights are being violated and do not see any issues with being subjected to abuse. What social workers try to do is help women recognize their fundamental rights and to make them aware of all the types of gender based violence that women around the world are subjected to, regardless of culture, religion and any other identifying labels. Women can then be made aware of access to further information or support from a counselor or other service providers to further encourage their empowerment and help-seeking.

2.       Admitting into a shelter and leaving the intimate partner violent relationship is considered the best option for survivors

Although it may seem like common sense to try and keep women and girls who are vulnerable to abuse and are at risk from attacks as far away from perpetrators as possible in a shelter or safe space. It may also make sense since we know too well that gender based violence occurs most commonly in intimate partner relationships especially when the perpetrator happens to be living with the survivor. However, the decision to move to a shelter is not always a viable option for women and can often complicate her situation further. Women sometimes have to make a difficult decision to move to a shelter and keep their children at home. This often sets them up for some emotional abuse and threats aimed at hurting the children from the perpetrator. Although we tend to think that once a woman is in a shelter, she is no longer in contact with her abuser. However, we have seen cases where some abusers try, and sometimes succeed, at sending the message they want to the survivor and some even access her location through gaining the sympathy of the survivor’s closest trusted friends and family. As a social worker working with a survivor of gender based violence, we also cannot assume that the abused has family support for her decision to leave an abusive relationship. In some cultures where abuse in normalized, the mere mention of any type of violence by the husband is normally justified and could be met with advice from mothers/mother-in-laws to “hang in there”, “we’ve all been there” and other guidance on how to avoid triggering the violence from the husband. This rhetoric puts a great deal of women in fear that if they make the decision to leave their husbands, that this may cause their families to abandon them and not support their decision. To help women who are survivors of domestic violence, we must help her navigate her risks and understand the positives and negatives of all her options in an informed way that respects her decision to leave or remain in the relationship. On another note, women who are not earning income from an independent job might have to face some economical struggles that may put them at risk of sexual exploitation and abuse while searching for a solid income to sustain themselves if they choose to leave the shelter or if the shelter option is no longer valid as it may be temporary in some countries.

3.       Disclosure is easiest part of seeking support

Identifying abuse is difficult and recognizing and accepting that the situation is not under control is not an easy process. In intimate partner relationships, the abuser usually after an outburst of violence will begin to apologize and make promises to end the violence and explain that he could not control his anger and that the survivor was the one who triggered him to do what he did. This causes survivors in many instances to fall into denial of abuse and self-blame and many will feel as if they are walking on glass everyday trying to avoid anything that may cause any new incidents. The combined feelings of denial, self-blame and fear make recognizing abuse very difficult.  To make things even more complicated, women who have undergone abuse on a long term basis begin to experience learned helplessness. This phenomenon can even trigger the change of brain structures to begin to lose some ability to process the parts responsible for logical reasoning and to cause an enlargement of the structure responsible for emotional sensitivity. This results in feelings of being trapped and feeling no hope for being able to escape, despite some women often possessing the full capability financially and resourcefully to leave an abusive relationship. Add to that, once she recognizes abuse and chooses to seek help, she must then face the difficult decision to trust someone to safely disclose the abuse to. If she finds that this person is not encouraging and/or begins to make decisions on her behalf, she may choose to withdraw from any support and never disclose to anyone again. To assist women in this difficult time, we must ensure confidentiality, explain that the violence is not her fault and that she has the right to access help and to give her lots of time to develop trust in order to feel comfortable disclosing and seeking the help she needs.

4.       Women who have escaped violent relationships are now safe

“She got a divorce. She is safe now”. Divorce and escape of violent situations even when backed with legal and police support does not necessarily mean that the violence has ended for the survivor. We know of many instances where women with children who share custody with the perpetrator must face emotional abuse and threats in an indirect way on a continuous basis. There are multiple avenues for a perpetrator with terrible intentions to find a way to continue imposing power in any means possible. Women in this situation must be empowered to understand that the perpetrator’s threats are mostly just empty talk and she must be supported to formulate a solid safety plan with numbers and people who can support her in any time of need if she needs it. Abused women are very aware of the dangerous situation they are in and need to be listened to and supported when coming up with ways to stay safe. They are the most aware of how to navigate their risks and keep themselves safe and we must ally with them to encourage them to stay as far away from the violence as possible.

5.       Poor women and Muslim women are the most vulnerable to gender violence

Gender based violence in all its forms has no identity. It is prevalent in all societies and cross cuts race, social status, race, religion, culture and background. It is a common myth to label all Muslim women as disempowered, for example, but this is only a racist assumption that should be discouraged and the statistics prove how common and prevalent gender based violence really is around the world. Sadly, it can happen to anyone anywhere.

Conclusion:

It is important to recognize that gender based violence is made up of many factors and that the survivors always knows best. As allies, supporters, feminists, or services providers, we must never impose our standards, ideals or solutions on them or exercise power over anyone facing abuse. Survivors of gender based violence are free to choose the option that work best for them and they should receive full confidentiality, information about services that are available and any psychological support that we can provide.

How much control do I really have on my happiness?

     

      Woke up on a Thursday morning today feeling happy and relieved to embrace the weekend and immediately after washing up, I began to remember the tasks for today that I had promised myself yesterday. More often than not, these small tasks which I have a habit of writing down on a notebook or sticky paper, become a burden on my trail of thoughts and get carried on week after week. And sometimes, they get so annoying I actually have to review my tasks and ask myself "what's the worst that could happen if I don't do this one?" The thing I've realized when you're a "thinker
"-if I can call myself this- is that you can easily fall into the trap of thinking so much about something so little that it becomes some extra thing that you tag along in your head until it grows and decomposes on its own. You start telling yourself "why did I put this on my list in the first place?"

      I walk out of the house and stop myself as soon as the cool morning air hits my face. "Yes, this is going to be a good day". Why? Because it's nice out. Sounds crazy to believe that the weather has this huge power over how my day turns out when really most of my day ends up being spent in an office trapped under the air conditioning anyway. That's ridiculous when you actually think of it. Ha! Look at me, I'm at a point that I'm thinking about how I am thinking. Great.

      I get into my car. It needs a cleaning. When will I do that? -the first thing that comes to mind. I then pull up on the main road, see an old lady who looks exhausted from waiting for a taxi, and tell myself alhamdoulillah, I got a car and God gave me the skill to be able to drive it. Isn't that such a blessing?

     I started to think about what exactly it is in my morning that makes me start off right? And how much of it can I control and how much of it is just inevitable? Why does it feel like sometimes no matter what you do or say to yourself, you cannot shake off the feeling of being tired of everything? Then I thought, perhaps our bodies give us this feeling to send us a strong message about self-care. So, what I've started doing is asking myself 3 questions before I decide that I'm upset and need to look further into my psyche to find out:

1. Did I get enough sleep and/or did I get quality sleep?
2. Am I hungry?
3. Did I drink my coffee?

     It sounds humorous now that I've written it down but really most of my problems diminish after I've taken care of my body. Which goes to show how in this work work work driven world, we've become heads full of constant thoughts and endless tasks which are required from us on a tight timelime, that we've fooled ourselves into believing that we are indeed robots who are not in need of any self maintenance. Heck, even robots need a little oiling every now and then!


Have a great day friends!

On being unattached

We all seem to be always chasing something. Whether or not we admit it to ourselves, the reason why we struggle to accept and embrace the present moment is because we are always thinking of some other time we wish we were in, with some other people; thinking maybe if we were richer, more beautiful, more accomplished, more successful. We seem to get caught up in the never-ending cycle of trying to feel good enough. We feel "life" owes us something because we are in it. In order to "live" I must be so and so and must do this and that.

But, what if what we are chasing never comes? What if what we choose to hang our dreams on and what we allow to steal our present moment is not written in our destiny? And if you had access to the knowledge of your not-so-fortunate destiny, would that make you accept your present or would you fall further into despair and unease?

I feel that this symptom of feeling entitled to a better life that we all suffer from is a result of our over attachment to this world and everything in it. We are attached to people. People who are flawed in nature and who tend to constantly disappoint. Yet, we attach ourselves anyway over and over again. We also attach ourselves to ideas in our heads. We attach ourselves to ideas of a successful career, for example. Yet, from one promotion to another and as our bank accounts upgrade, we still end up not having enough for the end of each month. We expect way too much from the world that we often, if not always, end up in disappointment.

Unlike many things in our life, the way God chooses to judge our success in this world is not contingent upon getting confirmation from worldly things. He does not judge us for how many people liked us, or how much money we made, or how many targets we hit. He judges us by how much effort, heart, soul, passion and intention we give. And He in return, promises that if we choose to detach ourselves from expecting praise from this world, that He will without a doubt give us the recognition we deserve. Yet, how many of us practice this in our daily lives? How many of us give without the expectation of receiving? How many of us can truly stand up and say that they would be willing to fight for what pleases God even if it means that they will fight alone?

We are all waiting for something. Waiting and hoping on things that are not guaranteed. So while God watches us struggle to search for some idea of "happiness" we so desperately crave, we forget that He alone is the only thing in our lives that will remain unchanged no matter the circumstances. And that knowledge of Him alone and believing in him is the only entitlement and privilege you can ever receive from the world. And that maybe we need to admit to ourselves that this is the truest cause of all ease and comfort that comes from living in this world.

 It is enough.

Knowing Him and believing in Him is enough.

All else is left to Him.

Signs of Humility

I will write as I feel and as the words pass and as they come and as they go. I no longer feel the need to write for an audience as I do not find gratification in their collective praise. I only want a listening ear to what befalls me and do not care if that means you might see me as less than what you knew before. Perhaps this is the essence of humility. Perhaps this is what it means to humble yourself and it is a sign to be unmoved and indifferent to the opinions of others about yourself. With time, as we begin shedding parts of our shells for others to see our insides we begin to question if those who loved us really loved the essence of who we are. Our core.

I no longer write with the certainty I wrote before. And some may think that this is a sign of lack of confidence in myself. Perhaps so. But more than anything this is my way of being human. I see my limits so clearly now. And yet there is a horizon of truth and knowledge still yet to be consumed. I have yet to see.

I bother very little if not at all with putting on some sort of spectacle to comfort those around me. I will not be overwhelmed anymore with accommodating for everyone for the sake of proving myself or showing that I am not at all what they might come to believe. I don't care what they hear. Neither do I care what they say. My truth is with my Lord and it is the only truth that matters to me.

Life has beaten us down and has shaken us up as it is. Why must we try to resist with phony versions of ourselves? It is tough enough to live as a human that is bombarded with casualty after casualty. Must that not be sufficient to remind us of our mortality? How much more must we endure until we say that is enough? And until we finally utter the words,  "I surrender". I surrender to the All Knowing. He who knows everything about every little thing. He who is vast and encompasses all that exists and possibly could exist.

While I let parts of me become small such as my power, dominance, social standing to name. The biggest thing I make small and perhaps diminish completely is my past. Although it is the place where I find room to reflect and understand myself with, with others I seem to completely forget any trace of it. I am a person being made by the moment; I laugh, cry and smile for the first time. The child that looks me and smiles is smiling upon another of his own, who is delighted and overwhelmed with joy to have been acknowledged by another.

I am humble when I cry. It is when I let tears fall down my cheeks and weep in the shadows where everything is concealed. It is when I remember that there exists only one entity that may possibly know of the pain I feel while I do so. And this is why I cry. He alone understands and the thought of this leaves me so overcome with emotion. This little creation of His cries and pleads and He listens. He who encompasses everything that ever was and ever will be, listens to me.

Alhamdoulillah. Alhamdoulillah. Alhamdoulillah.

Spontaneous Reflections

Life. work. Obligation. Commitment. Relationships gone downhill. There hovers over me a thick smoggy cloud. Let it rain already. Or let it linger but for God's sake let it change its color. Grey cannot seem to decide between black and white. Grey is what happens when the unidentified merge together. What keeps us living? What is purpose? Lest it be a failed illusive attempt at masking our guilt for all that befalls humanity- or worse- our true desires to benefit our egos and make people love us. I want no one to love me sometimes. That means commitment and commitment means disappointment. It's a scary thought when you have become accustomed to people letting go and not staying true. So we put up walls. Strangely enough, if we talk you might be able to catch me every once in a while dig deep into myself and give something within away to what surrounds me. If you can catch me in those moments, we ought to be the best of friends. If you fail to see it, then I will slowly bring myself up to the shallow surface and part of me may never swim down again for you. I know that might offend some people. Now you know why I can't do commitment. I usually offend some people. Sometimes I sit and ponder the beauty of my past. The good fortune I had. In a desperate attempt to somehow relive it or consolidate myself that what is yet to come will be just as good maybe. But I stop myself. Far too early before I am deep into the memories and not yet enough for it to be a flashback. I feel there is no limit to how far I can imagine something. If I unleash that part of me, I may opt for a sedentary life replacing the real with the imaginary. I long for the days we watched cartoons of innocence. Young women picking flowers, talking to animals and singing. Their story is only about struggle with a harsh world that doesn't treat them delicately as they should be treated. Sometimes I feel that woman lives inside me. I really like her. And I like her company but she looks sad. When she is sad I am trying to please the world. The world is never pleased. I feel the need to write until the end of the page. But I know the page doesn't end. Why do I feel that way? Have I obligated myself to this? What other things do I obligate myself to and not know it. I long for the company of so many people of my past. Yet part of me feels that even if I was somehow able to have them summoned for me, that they won't fill the void in my heart. They say God only does and I believe them. God looks upon you with mercy and He engulfs your presence and protects you from harm. It is still a lonely life. I fear it will always be. I seem to know these days what I do not desire much more than what I do. This confuses me. I seem to be confused most of the time. They say it is temporary what you feel. But I have been feeling like a storm for ages now. Storms are supposed to settle. Settle and find a calm place. But maybe I am a storm meant to settle only in relative proportions. My storm today is calmer than yesterdays. Patience. Make peace with your storm regardless if the calm is on the way. Let it obliterate whatever is in its path as you are a wild and dangerous phenomenon not everyone knows how to understand or love. So love yourself before the storm multiplies and asserts its existence. Take it by its eye and tell it you love it.  I love my storms. Because it means something in me still lives and yearns for peace. It means I am alive.

On Saying Goodbye

“There’s never a right time to say goodbye”

     When it comes to saying goodbye, some of us prepare for it and embrace it, others avoid and deny it completely, while some don't have the choice.

     Sometimes we ask ourselves, why did fate make us cross paths? Why did our existence happen to coincidentally bring together the most precise set of conditions so we could meet? Is there a purpose to it all? And if there is, why was it in our destiny to part?

    These questions can haunt us for our whole lives. And we may simply never find an answer.

     What I do know, as a human being living on this earth that believes in a One true and fair God, is that nothing happens without purpose and without His will or allowance. In other words, meaning every encounter with other human beings is significant. Regardless of whether I am able to recognize and distinguish this.

     That being said, what should we expect from our relationships with other human beings in this life? 

    If we are to expect that they fill a void within us and that we simply cannot live without their existence in our lives, then we will undoubtedly become attached. Likewise if we are to never trust ourselves to open up to others and try to embrace relationships, then we are missing out on the potential of a beautiful blessing given to us, which is the blessing of great companionship.

      I think the answer lies in loving others for God’s sake. When we love others for Allah’s sake we understand that this also means giving them up for His sake as well. It means letting our mutual interest of being closer to Him keep us together. While also letting our trust in His wisdom and control to help us relinquish the part of ourselves that gets attached to keep Him pleased.

      So at the end of the day, we are unable to guarantee the existence of good friends, family and loved ones around. Only Allah can do so. He brought you together and He can bring you apart. What we must remember is that we are brought together to keep Allah’s word alive, and to bring each other up to never forget the afterlife. We will no doubt mourn and that is okay. It is a beautiful thing. Yet we must never let our grief be unattached to our prayers and duas for the ones we love. Because ultimately we love to see them with us after passing the ultimate test on the Day of Judgement. And inshallah joining together in paradise.

     Remember that even though life isn’t fair, Allah is. And that is precisely the reason why Paradise exists. Look forward to it and love with all that Allah has given you. And always say alhamdoulillah for the blessing of such wonderful company.

Alhamdoulillah.

      If you’d like to know more about loving for Allah’s sake, read this article here.

To the Special People in My Life

  Dearest friends,

   
     I will attempt to write this as raw as possible. No edits (except spelling of course) and no breaks.

     Oftentimes when we are lucky enough to have people in our lives who make us happy, we get comfortable and assume that this should be the default state of our interactions with others. But what we forget is that knowing great people and having them there for you is Allah's mercy and blessing. If life was to take another path for me, I may have ended up somewhere on another corner of the earth, where I found nothing in common with my surroundings and ended up lonely. But instead I was blessed to know people who have helped make me grow, who have inspired me and continue to and who don't expect me to be something I'm not. I want to take the time to thank them for making me feel worthy as a human, for supporting me in everything, and for never giving up on our friendship. Lately, I have received love I didn't think was possible, let me be frank. I have been invested in my friendships for Allah's sake and I didn't expect or think that one day, I would be shown anything in return. To get appreciated is beyond what I would expect from this life and it was very overwhelming to say the least.

  They asked me, why were you surprised? Why were you overwhelmed?

  Because I realized that they saw in me what I didn't see in myself. They saw someone who deserved to be shown appreciation and love and I didn't. All of their care was a wake up call for me. It proved to me that I can't underestimate myself and that great company in this life is a big blessing that can't be taken for granted. I don't think they know that when they leave, I make dua for them and cry of happiness. They don't know that when I am with them, I say alhamdoulillah a million times that I was privileged to be in their company. They don't know how they push me to be better by just being themselves. 

    I want to also say I'm sorry and please forgive me if I may have wronged or offended anyone. Love for the sake of Allah is strong and it knows no boundaries. Although I know that life has a strange way of making people part and move on, know that in my heart, I remember you in fondness and will always ask Allah that He lets us meet in the heavens. These days I run out of words and this is a testament to the complexity of human emotion. The rest that I can't make up in words, I will make up in dua. 

    May Allah gives us all that this world has to offer in success, happiness, and family. May He also guide us to the straight path while doing so and save us from Hellfire and let us meet and flaunt our friendship proudly in front of His creation on the day of judgement Ameen.


With my utmost love, respect and appreciation,

Random Rants

Internalized Racism; An Invisible Dilemma

"That's not a job for Muslims."
"They'll never let you make it big."
"Better not mention your religion."


     Statements like the above are too common to mention in Muslim communities in the West where Islam is not the majority. We're confronted too many times with the phenomenon of the glass ceiling that we can't break because of our identity. "Hope - but don't overdo it" is the motto. We are all told to confine to careers and aspirations that are synonymous to the ones of others who are like "us." Well, I am frankly sick and tired of hearing this talk. 

   The other day, while I was explaining my future aspirations with a few friends of mine, I received a reaction I could not have anticipated. After explaining my aspirations for my future as a contributor to a specific field as a Muslim woman, I was met with still faces and a sense of pity fell in the room. "Poor girl", they must have thought; "she's going to have a hard time adjusting to the real world." They then began explaining to me the following:

• There are people out there who don't want Muslims to succeed.
• You will face challenges being a Muslim woman.
• Be careful not to speak so openly about your identity.
• Don't lie on your job interviews and applications, just omit anything to do with your religious affiliation. 
• They're curious about Muslims cause they want to monopolize that information according to their own agendas.

Who's "they"? I kept asking myself.

     I can only say that I was genuinely shocked; not at the arguments themselves but at the passionate way in which they were posed as the hardcore truth of everything. Have we forgotten the ways in which the Prophet (pbuh) spread the word of Islam in the days of ignorance? Islam is our lifestyle and everything we do is stamped with our manners derived from the prophet's ways (pbuh). What kind of Ummah would we be if we denied the existence of our Deen within our societies? I can only imagine that we would become conflicted and anxious folk who lack the confidence to stand confidently on their own feet. If we don't embrace our identities, then who's going to do so for us? If I was going to get any job or opportunity by pretending to be something I'm not, then I would rather not do anything at all. What's the point of spending a lifetime trying to make money and to stay uncontroversial and safe if we don't contribute to the bettering of the ummah?  How selfish and individualistic would we be then?

   As you can guess, I had my own refuting arguments to pose. This internalized racism is the biggest barrier we face as Muslims trying to break out of our shell. We tell ourselves we can't; so we don't try. And here's another reality, most of us are of visible minority status; meaning that there's really no way to hide our identities. Denying our true selves is not moving us forward in any way or granting us the privilege of the majority. So while you're an outcast out there in the world, just own it and stand up a little taller for us all, will you?

    Here in the US, there's no denying racism exists. It's everywhere and in many forms; from direct aggression to micro-aggression to exclusion and neglect. But we must never let that be the norm. Our opposing stance to this normalization of racism must begin first and foremost from our hearts. When we choose to not accept this treatment with our actions before our words, we become a proud ummah with valued teachings to pass down to the upcoming Muslim generations that will continue to populate this land in the future. There's no excuse for doing otherwise. If you think you've had it bad, just remember the prophet (pbuh) and his companions who've endured torture and death punishments for their deen. They were only accepted into society when they chose to stick by their identities in the harshest of circumstances.

     I'd like to say to conclude this post that I really hope we begin to challenge these ideas of racism head on within ourselves and with the world. Always be optimistic and keep your eye open for refuting evidence to any ideas you may have of where individuals as Muslims should be in society. Choose not to accept racism -internal or external- and live life a proud Muslim whose identity stays firm and grounded.

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The Feeling of Meaninglessness

Artwork from a dear sister

      Time is frozen; Irrelevant.

     Words can't seem to bring themselves together to make meaning. Why should it matter anyway?

     Meaninglessness is not limited to the depressed and lazy. Meaninglessness can hit the most motivated and happy people you know. It can be for a few hours or weeks but it doesn't discriminate. All that is common between these moments of meaninglessness is that plaguing feeling of helplessness. Even if you know it's just for a few minutes, life becomes a blur and you lose sight of reality.

     Maybe you're stressed. Or maybe you're avoiding a confrontation or an obligation. But all that you can feel is uselessness right now. You feel time slipping away from you and you can't catch up to it. The present moment is meaningless. So is the next few minutes that are lost in thought...

     But wait, stop yourself for one second. 

     Imagine capturing those irritating thoughts that tell you how lazy and incompetent you are. Okay, now take a look at their composition. They look just like thoughts, right? Maybe bubbles or words or whatever. But, they are only what we perceive them to be.

     Now take a deep breath...

     Collect those thoughts once more and picture a box appearing in a scene of nothingness. Now, take a firm hold on those thoughts and place them one by one in that box. Stack them nicely; for you want to respect their existence. Accept them as having lived and breathed like they were real people.

     Find a key for that box and lock that box shut. Imagine a silent cloud slowly floating to where you are. The cloud is here to take your box. Place the box on that cloud and give it up. Not just to the sky. Give it up higher. Much higher. Give it up to Allah.

     What were these thoughts anyway? You can't seem to remember anymore. All that you know is that you feel like you've lifted a huge boulder off your shoulders. They're in someone else's care. And there's no being out there in existence that can handle them better than Allah. So take it easy and trust.

     These thoughts were floating in your head trying to find purpose. Yet they were only a burden that kept getting heavier with the passing of time. They were tiny products of your own creation; roaming in a head of a single person...

     A single person among many who inhabit a beautiful place called earth.

     The earth is a part of a family of planets, who happen to orbit around a single sun.

     That sun is one of billions. 

     And the space that we conceive is only a single layer of many others. 

     All of which mean no less than a mosquito's wing to Allah.


    

      So how big are those thoughts now?



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My Interview with an Aboriginal Elderly

      My first impression of Amaroo was that he seemed to be well integrated and comfortable in his environment. His office appeared like a miniature home – with an intricate and vast collection of items that looked to be of value to his identity. I immediately sensed his positive energy and began to have heightened curiosity over what answers he may provide to my questions. I met two of his students, who happen to volunteer for him but were mostly there to seek his company. They spoke highly of him and I got the sense that they felt accepted and comfortable to be in the space where he was. His sense of humour was unfiltered and refreshing. I let him steer the interview in the direction which he felt comfortable as to not disturb any thought processes or to miss on other vital information, however irrelevant to the subject assigned, that I could utilize in my personal and academic life. It was clear he had an interest in teaching others about his background while being aware of the possible sensitivities they may have. I later understood his philosophy as a whole to be the influencing factor in his treatment of others.

     The Aboriginal member relates and recognizes himself as a part of an ecosystem; whole on its own and one that is not in need of humans to sustain its presence. “If we all left this building, the plants and the earth will take over and engulf the place; it’ll do without us,” he explains. All that mankind requires for living is perceived as essentially available in nature. In this way, the human is left to seek assistance and sacrifice from the elements of nature. Nature is defined as not merely the presence of living things or greenery, but as the essence of every living and non-living object which comes from “Mother Nature”. One has a connection with all the elements of Mother Nature and in order to survive and live amongst her presence in a peaceful way, an Aboriginal recognizes that he must confine in whichever object, living or non-living that he could possibly utilize for his survival. Amaroo explains how when man is forced to take the life of a plant to heal himself, he may offer it tobacco and seek its permission with full conscious knowledge of the sacrifice of this being that has given its life to sustain his. “Nothing is considered inanimate; all has a spirit.”

     With the emphasis on Mother Nature as being the essence of being and the provider, one might wonder where the woman fits into the Aboriginal philosophy. According to Amaroo, the indigenous community shares the realization that without women, man cannot exist. The women spends nine “moons” – synonymous to the monthly appearance of the moon- in pregnancy where she gives the “gift” of water in the form of embryonic fluid and the one of music through the beat of her heart. She mirrors Mother Nature and gives in the same way. During her cycling of the menstrual cycle, she is celebrated in the group for her ability to bear children and undergoes a specified ritual which involves beating percussion through drumming, seeking connection to Mother Nature through an expedition in the mountains and bonding with other women as well.  The man, on the other hand, is the provider of fire - another vital element for survival – and his presence in necessary that ultimately maintains a harmonic balance between fire and water; symbolizing the essence of male-female relationships. Indigenous members believe that they are born pure in their health, mind and spirituality. With the passing of time and the subject and object of wrongdoings, one can become scarred and his/her body will begin to show the signs of this disfigurement through illnesses and other ailments. So in order to maintain optimal health, one must use preventative measures through exercising of healthy lifestyle habits away from addictions and ingestion of harmful foods, along with avoiding a sedentary way of living. Indigenous members acknowledge and perceive the world as being interconnected; whereby the defect of one of its parts damages the orchestra as a whole.

    Offenses directed towards Mother Nature manifest themselves in a multitude of ways and encompass the social, as well as the ecological dimensions of Aboriginal discourse. A human must be mindful of his relationship to all elements of Mother Nature and the lack of sensitivity or good intention is a transgression on her behalf. One must be grateful for the “gifts” of Mother Nature- as well as the ones of women to their offspring as a whole- by firstly acknowledging their sacrifice and secondly, taking great care in these gifts as to never be wasteful or indulgent. Furthermore, Indigenous discourse generally involves thinking “7 generations ahead” and having full awareness of the circle of life by being careful to not disturb the cycles manifesting in nature. “We’re all related”, he tells me. “If you look outside you’ll see Mother Earth dancing this time round” – referring to the leaves falling swiftly in their diverse array of colors. Mother Nature then proceeds to arrange for the upcoming spring by preparing through the long days of winter; waiting patiently for the season of mating and rebirth under the blanket of snow when she will take on the massive burden of caring for the young once the weather gets warmer. She not only is a phenomenon in herself but she is an example for mankind to live by. Her cycling through the seasons mirrors the cycling of our days and calls on our need for rest and our inevitable rebirth with each passing day.

     Amaroo recalls nostalgic memories of hunting trips with his father that was a time for connecting to family and keeping traditions alive. He remembers hunting various animals that would provide his family their required protein – while emphasizing hunting for the sake of maintaining a necessity which comes with the sacrifice of Mother Nature. “We don’t believe in hunting sports”, he states. Amaroo mentions that much of the issues mankind faces with the environment such as global warming and the scarcity of fresh water came about from a desire to have what one does not need. In the pursuit of money and power, Amaroo brings his point to light by recounting instances where he has witnessed and heard of accounts of capitalist efforts to force and bribe members out of their native land for the claim of precious resources like gold, wood, mercury and diamonds. This has inevitably lead to the destruction of wildlife through grazing of trees and careless forest fires and to the pollution of water tables and many lakes. Despite the unfortunate circumstances and pressures the indigenous community has faced and continues to, Amaroo never forgets to mention particular individuals who have been able to raise awareness and collect solidarity for efforts to halt more cruel acts to the environment and to other human beings as well. He appears too humble to also mention his own efforts on an academic level that have resulted in revival of indigenous tradition, raising of awareness of the humanitarian as  well as the  environmental conditions while spreading the word of co-existence and respect of all that is living and non-living. He mentions his philosophy while also acknowledging his current conditions of living and the need to adapt in some ways to the mainstream lifestyles and the state of his environment.  He admits that his shoes have rubber soles and he sports a miniature diamond on his finger while driving a car. However, his reality which fulfills a purpose in society compels him to conform to a specific extent in order to be able to carry on his role as an academic and teacher. We both seemed to agree on intention and not being wasteful or indulgent with our consumption as being important in affirming both traditional beliefs and the realities of everyday living - they don’t appear to contradict one another. Although it doesn’t make witnessing a place of memory and connection to nature a few years later become grey with infrastructure, pollution and housing a less than complicated reality. Nor is it any easier to listen to families of members who were forced to enter residential schools and experience brutal living conditions and unjust degrading and inhumane acts. “When water is still, our reflection becomes clear. But as soon as you make a change to it, the ripple propagates everywhere and clouds our vision.”

Stay tuned for part 2

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The Wild Human

    Nature to us often appears a mere escape from life. So does family. And religion. It's almost as though the occupation with anything that doesn't make money or result in immediate reward is unnecessary for a prosperous and happy life. However, when we finally make that time to embrace the essence of true life and meaning, we do it on our terms. All that is not a priority for material success is a nuisance and the indulgence in its entirety is an expression of poor time management and is not to mention, an uncivilized lifestyle for the fast paced society in which we live in. Yet, we find our bodies and our most instinctual nature calling out to us for something other than work and that green paper we live to earn. Our bodies ache from the sedentary lifestyle we've occupied ourselves with. Our levels of stress skyrocket under pressure and insomnia reminds us of our mortality. We've shape-shifted the fruit of the earth into short term reward packages that have left us crashing in exhaustion. We wonder of the phenomenon of obesity, cancer and depression. Lest we forget that the paper tiger we are facing with our health is nothing but a mere representation of Mother Nature’s way of letting us know she mustn't be ignored or conceptualized down to merely symbols for vocational use. Mother Nature is the essence of our every being and she will not be compartmentalized. Man is a wild one; trying his hardest to maintain that ridiculous illusion of control. He doesn't know what he's resisting. It's almost insane.

     My own realization of our relationship to nature required a simple encounter. Short yet dramatic and memorable. One of these days I set time for family, that other neglected and for granted tree, on my way minding my own business and taking my younger siblings to spend more green on meaningless material, we encountered a flock of geese. I have become accustomed to believing this earth was our own material to mould. I mean how could it not be? We uproot trees from the untouched ground it sits in for generations at a mere shot at reorienting its environment according to what we prefer. Then we have the decency and find it perfectly acceptable to replant it where we see fit. But I was feeling pretty confident in my superiority and power as a human that I chose to cross an unusual path. Safety was everywhere according to my view. And humans were exempt from the dangers of the environment that should know better and get out of our way. The reality of my being was on the verge of exposure. My ego was blown.

     A flock of geese I see ahead of me. How cute. Harmless animals grazing on grass causing no disruptions to our ways, I thought; although their droppings were getting more difficult to tolerate and avoid. That's disgusting, I thought, at least we've evolutionized to be smarter than to defecate wherever we wish. However, our obvious toxic waste and dumping into the lakes and rivers was not a fact I was able to recall in my moment of patriarchy. I saw this moment as one where I could exhibit my power that comes with my manhood on the world around me. Figured it would also be a great modelling lesson for my siblings. So I approached the goose, stomping with one foot forward, and making the most foolish growl in attempt to move it out of our way, waiting anxiously for the moment when they flew and I had a good laugh.

     But that didn't happen.

     Instead, it stood facing me with the utmost certainty in its legitimate presence. And with those wings pointed to the sky appearing to call for help from a force I could not access, it hissed loudly and locked eyes with mine. Suddenly the adrenaline rush of excitement became fear. That was not a cute goose anymore. It wasn't small and helpless. It was now an equal.

   Quickly, I begun to realize I wasn't ready to face this danger, so I began walking. The goose did not take satisfaction from my leave. After all, I offended and questioned its existence. It wasn't about to leave me without a beg for mercy. I heard wings flapping and looked behind to see that it was flying dangerously close to my back. I ducked. And suddenly I was in the middle of the paved human road – familiar territory comes with security I presumed. Cars began approaching us. Honking in what appears to be an act of solidarity until the scared goose flew back to its original placement. You would think the goose won this one. But it didn't. Because the civilization and industry that keeps the status quo kept it from taking its rightful revenge. Whatever freedom we gave it could be quickly taken away, and it chose to abide by our ways.

 

    The earth in which we live in is an ecosystem. And we are somewhere in that circle of life. We take from Mother Earth and give nothing in return – expecting that our mere presence on her lands is a great favour we’ve done to her soil. Yet we forget that she is an instrument of God – the powerful omniscient being who sees the wrong doings and short-sightedness brought up by our ego. To fight Mother Nature and to seek that she hands up all her resources is ultimately the hunt of ourselves. We challenge Mother Nature and she calls God to put us in our place.

Reflections on Post Ramadan

    I am weeping.

    The last day of Ramadan felt like I was saying goodbye to a dear friend I wasn't going to see again. So I saw myself seizing every opportunity of the day for a few extra duas and reminders. I had even begun the habit of carrying around a small Quran in my bag and reading it in public on my way to work and back. I began to understand the value of time. I somehow also felt always in serene company because of it. I didn't need people around me to feel alive and their company appeared to me a mere distraction most of the time than anything else. So when the night of Eid came around, I didn't know what to expect.

    At first I was in denial, then once I realized how my patterns of ibadah began to shift, I weeped. And I found myself fighting boughts of tear on Eid. But why? Why was I crying?

    Maybe I was crying because of my weakness. I thought: "why can't I be the same person  I was yesterday"? Why can't I make prayer the same way? Where did my enthusiasm and energy go?

I weeped once more.

   Now with our energy back, we seem to project it in everything but ibadah. I was able to focus clearly and lose my procrastination habits in Ramadan. I was also able to put my body through tough conditions and to remain active despite the hunger and heat. How?

    Oh Allah, when you said this was a month for guidance and mercy, this is exactly what you meant. And when you said it was a month to bring us ease, you held true to your word. Guidance was easy and when we are guided, we sense Allah's mercy. 

    Oh Allah, make me one of those who give your Quran its full right and who remain consistent in their ibadah. Oh Allah, do not let anything distract us from our true purpose and lose sight of who we are. We are your slaves and we take pride in being so. Guide us and keep us close to your path.

    Ameen.

The Forgotten One

6:00 AM:

*Alarm rings*

Its going to be a long day.

 My head is pounding from lack of sleep. Last night I didn't resist the urge to stay up a little bit longer than usual. I don't always get the time to be in the company of others, I let myself slip and now I've got to push ahead. The warmth of the bed calls for me, but there is no resisting the fact that soon I will be out there again in the harsh cold world. I place the blanket beside me and sit up while a rush of cool air brushes my body and I shiver. My vision takes a moment to clear itself while my head aches and so does my strength.

But I can't lose sight of my motivation. I need to keep it together.

 I slowly drag my feet across the carpet to the bathroom. My reflection stares back at me. This time in a much different way. This time my reflection stares into my soul. It appears to beg answers for things. I can hardly remember the time when I first began sprouting this white hair. My beard is thinning out and so is the top of my head. My nose is slightly bigger and my features less defined. When did these wrinkles form? Who is this person I barely recognize? Did I forget who I am for a second?

   There's a sharp pain in my back I'm trying hard to ignore. It must be from that new desk at the office.  No it's not. It's old age. Subhanallah, I can't believe how fast time flew.

  I find way to the closet. Thankfully, my style is still fresh. This crisp vibrant button down shirt looks good to wear today. My hands. The contrast of the shirt on my body hasn't been as noticeable as it is now.

6:30 AM:

   This commute is a killer. Two hours of sitting still takes a toll on my back. I spend so much of my day alone- my thoughts eating away at me. More so today for some reason. At least I have my paycheck to look forward to today. Where did my life go? Oh right, I have a family now. Alhamdoulillah. How could I forget? They've been my only motivation all these years.

12:00 PM:

  Everything is so slow. That clock is screaming in deafening silence. Not so sure what it's screaming though- maybe something about finding a way out of here. I think it's calling for me to remember my children. I remember it like it was yesterday - when I held their bare fragile bodies in my arms the moment they were born into this world. The way their innocent sheltered eyes first looked back into mine. Tears of joy fell on my cheeks. Their eyes desperately called for protection. And that was the moment that I first made the promise to keep them safe as long as I live. I knew that there are no lengths far enough that I wouldn't go for their sake. Oh, I got lost in my thoughts there. The boss is strolling down my aisle, I better snap out of it. This is my jihad. This is my jihad. This is my jihad.

5:00 PM:

Finally. Gotta catch that bus. Hopefully, this time I'll sneak a nap. My energy is fully drained now.

7:00 PM:

Ya allah, I almost missed my stop. How long was I asleep for? Anyway I'm almost home now. 

7:15 PM:

Why won't anyone answer this door? Where's my keys? Oh, here we go. My heart is beating loud now. Suddenly I'm energized again. I've been looking forward to this moment all day long.

"Asalamu alaikum"

*silence*

The living room is dead. Hmm.. That's strange. Perhaps they're upstairs in their rooms. Why are their doors closed? 

"Salam Adam"

"Hi dad"

"Did we forget the salam of the prophet alahyi essalam?"

"Baba! You just got here and you're already telling me what to do?!"

"No, I..."

"Come on! It's already enough you grounded me yesterday!"

"Okay, but you were grounded for being out with your friends till midnight. You know how I feel about that."

What does he even do with his friends? I worry about him.

"It's none of your business how long I'm out. I'm eighteen now. I can do whatever I want. I am not out doing drugs or anything so you can relax."

"Then what are you doing?"

"Are you accusing me?! I can't have this conversation anymore. You don't even understand me."

 I just gotta walk away. Nothing I will say at this point will make this better. I only have you Allah. Little does he know that I was once of his kind. Sometimes I see myself in him.

"Asalamu alaikum Baba"

Oh, that's my sweet daughter Fatima. Adam should learn form her about proper salaams.

"Wa alaikum essalam. How was school Fatima?"

"Fine. Baba, can I get my allowance early so I can buy those shoes I was telling you about?"

"Yeah sure Fatima. Is this enough?"

"Baba! No one buys shoes with twenty dollars these days! These are brand name!"

"Okay. How about this?"

"Oh thank you Baba. You're the best dad ever!"

Where did she go? I didn't even ask her how school was. I wonder about this girl's grades sometimes. I haven't seen a report card in ages.

Ah my beautiful wife Hana. I love her so much. I just wish she'd try a little harder. I can see the stains on her shirt from last night's dinner.

"Salam Omar. It's good to see you. How was work?"

"Good alhamdoulillah."

Should I really burdeon her with the truth? No point in complaining.

"You're not going to believe what Sarah did! I'm so upset! How could she have the nerve to invite everyone I know but me?! Are we not friends or something?! She must be conspiring against ..."

I can't hear anything else she's saying for some reason. The lack of sleep isn't helping either.

"Anyway I'm off to a party today. I hope you're okay with that."

If I'm okay with that?! Of course not! I need you to be with me. I have nothing to look forward to more than you.

"Akeed Habibty. Go have fun."

"You're the best husband a woman can ask for! May Allah always keep you happy!"

Amen.

I smell food. 

"Oh and another thing please if you don't mind. I need some money to buy a dress."

"No problem inshallah"

There goes my paycheck. Allah will make it up inshallah.

8:30 PM:

Time to eat. Where are the rest of my children on this table?

"Hana, where's Adam?"

"He went off with some friends"

"What about dinner?"

"He'll buy McDonald's or something. Don't worry about him."

How can I not worry?! His living is the same quality as his eating. Why is Hana eating so fast?

"I hope you don't mind, I gotta get ready for the party."

Later

"Mashallah. You're glowing!"

Why doesn't she dress like that for me?

"Thanks Omar. You're too sweet. Yallah salam"

"Salam. Take care."

9:00 PM:

Time to pray.

"Kids, come on down to pray jamaa."

hmm.. that's strange. I wonder what they're up to. I'll make wudu and wait for them.

5 minutes later

I should probably start this salat. They will hear me and follow. They're always late anyway.

"Asalamu alaikum wa rahmatu allah. Asalamu alaikum wa rahmatu allah. Don't forget to take out the garbage while I'm at work..."

Where did they go? 

Who am I kidding? They rarely pray with me.


Time for bed.

20 Life Lessons That Took Me by Surprise (Part 2)

  11. There is no shame in not taking sides:

Nowadays, there is a growing trend of individualism along with ignorance and extremism. You find yourself being pushed constantly to take a position and choose a side. If you decide not to do so, you face being labelled as careless, ignorant or simply not tough enough to stand your ground and face opposition. I'm here to tell you that none of that is true. You are not ignorant or careless if you choose to not associate yourself with anyone or anything. We are only so when we decide willingly to let matters pass which we believe are not of concern to us and when we to choose to stay ignorant rather than continue seeking fact from fiction. We must be the middle path of all sides so that our eyes remain open to the shortcomings of all parties. Relinquishing our biased perspective enables us to become a witness to any injustice. Choosing this path will also allow our lack of defensiveness, since this is not a personal matter attached to our worth, to speak only with which we know rather than with which we wish to know. There is no shame in admitting lack of knowledge.















Thus We have appointed you a middle nation, that ye may be witnesses against mankind, and that the messenger may be a witness against you. [Al-Baqara: 143]


12. The young and elderly are fountains of wisdom and inspiration:

    When life gets dull and repetitive and you're looking for a new course and a new perspective, there is no better way to do so than to connect with a young or elderly individual. There are people in our lives whom we neglect on a daily basis that have a lot more to offer us than what we may be lead to believe. Yet, we choose to focus on ourselves and the next phase of our lives we lose touch of the blessings we've got in the present. Later we wonder why we've lost our purpose and our luster and we look for distraction and desperately seek inspiration. Take the time to reconnect with an elder or a child who can brighten up your life and give you a holistic perspective on where you were and where you should go and your bigger connection to the people around you and the larger community. A child can teach you something about the new world you were not aware of and a wise elder can show you the consequences of your lifestyle today and will thus lead you to the inevitable truth; you are a projection of one of many who have lived before you and who will live after you. So take what they have to offer and be grateful for this opportunity at some wise insight on life.


13. Giving love is like getting love :

    We're lead to believe that those who love us are obligated to show their love to prove it. The reality is, not everyone expresses love in the same manner and some of us may never receive the love we expect from the world. That's okay. The romance we all desperately crave to be present in our everyday life can be planted and nurtured by no other than ourselves. I'm not talking about a limited image of romance in the candle light and whatnot, although that is a type. I mean romance that requires a new painting of the world. An appreciative view which accepts everything in our surroundings. Romance is expression of love. That expression can be seen in the simplest of gestures. From an sincere compliment to a heartfelt smile. But no one asked for you to wait on anything. Be the love you crave. Embody the person you think radiates love. And give it out like a bouquet of flowers on a special day in no expectation of return. You'll find giving love just as invigorating, perhaps even more, than receiving expressions of love.


14. It hurts the heart to stray from Allah's path:

    So much of our struggle with our deen is built upon one simple picture. That straight path. The solid line that we conjure up all our efforts to follow. A simple misdirection can lead us into an abyss. And there's only one way back to the path, which is through Allah subhanahu wa ta'laa. The more we sway from the path, the harder and tougher it is to return. What would halt us from paving our own path then? Why does our gut feeling guide us back no matter how far we've lost sight of the right way? It is our heart and our instinct which takes us home. That is why when we choose to practice a hypocritical way of living, we get tired of skipping lines and the heart feels empty and depraved of taqwa and iman. There's is no better feeling in this world than the sweetness of iman and knowing that we are consistent and honest in his outer and inner being.
    

15. You can only expect things from yourself: 

     Sometimes we get pessimistic and lose hope. Humanity seems to lose its way and our efforts are getting lost and seem to be leading us nowhere close to where we'd like the world to be. That's because we forget that we are the world. Each one of us is the world. So the best we can do to our world is to better ourselves and to set expectations high for our own benefit. No amount of waiting and complaining on our communities to live up to our expectations will provoke any true change. We mustn't forget the power of leading by example. The more we better ourselves and keep humbly to our own faults, the more others feel inclined to follow. And maybe sometimes people won't follow and that's okay. So set your face directly towards your Lord and He will guide whom He wishes. You are not responsible for the faults of others.


16. To be yourself is the ultimate freedom: 

     Sounds like common sense. Ever thought, what is it exactly that makes me me? It's getting increasingly difficult to tell apart what our own choices are from what the world's choices are for us. Who really takes control? Actually you do. Or at least you can if you believe it enough. Are you talking, dressing and acting a certain way to please others and to fall within the appropriate societal expectation of who you should be? Or are you adventurous, wild and unafraid to project your creative energy into the world? I say this; you don't have to lose the kid in you to be "mature". You don't have to conform to the norm and nod your head when everyone else is nodding. You don't have to sit idly and let authority dictate your life. Be yourself. At the end of the day, we are all born to look different and to be different. If you desire to be the same then you've got nothing new to offer the world and you've indirectly expressed your complicity with the status quo.  If you're already so different in the eyes of the people of the world anyway, then go all the way.

“The only way to deal with an unfree world is to become so absolutely free that your very existence is an act of rebellion.” -Albert Camus

18.  Consolidate your suppressed feelings:

   What suppressed feelings?! See what I did there? I am unsure if this is something only a few of us experience. But I believe we tend to play down unfortunate events in our life in the excuse that "someone's got it worse". And perhaps this is true but that doesn't decrease from your hardships. The only way to get back to yourself is to address the elephant in the room which you are continuously putting on the side. Take a break. Listen to your heart and your gut and mute all the sounds coming from your cognition  And if you feel the need to cry then do it. If you feel the need to scream then do it. Let your real emotions surface and do not fear judgement. It's hard enough that the world judges us, why would you make it even more difficult on yourself by letting their judgements and your own, cloud you in your moments with yourself? Take it easy and remind yourself of the good you've done since there's no shame in that. And there is no weakness in letting your feelings take form. It will be your strength later you'll see.


17.  What you store in your thinking space defines you:

     What do you catch yourself thinking about on a regular day? Whatever neurons are firing in our cognitive space are a reflection of what we've stored and what we find significant enough for recall. Even if it is a novel thought, the recollection of it repeatedly in our areas of awareness causes increased reinforcement of that image.  So when we choose to complain and judge ourselves harshly, we reinforce our ideas of incompetence and thus reflect it in our daily lives. On the contrary, when we choose to pump ourselves with praise to nurture our confidence, we feel more ready to take on the world positively. Even our deepest fantasies are a reflection of our realities. Are we fantasizing about probable events which we could shape ourselves? Or are we choosing to repaint our lives in our fantasies to an alternate universe where we are better looking, more clever and attractive for example? I believe that when we choose to shape our fantasies further away from reality or expected reality, we actually impede our shot at growth and thus it becomes counterproductive to do so. Think, I can be the person I fantasize about, and live to that fantasy. What we choose to bring up to our awareness if a true reflection of who we are because it is a private act which we only share with Allah.


19. Vulnerability is the secret to getting more out of life:

      Whenever we seek growth and happiness, we must first provoke change in our current state. That change may not always be so easy to initiate since it may make us nervous and it may put our egos at risk. But no one ever received anything from life being stationary. We must provoke change and we must expect a multitude of outcomes from this change. If you don't try then you've failed. And if you don't ask for something, then no one will hand it down on a silver platter to you. There is no shame in being vulnerable. There is only shame in choosing to miss out on some amazing opportunities for growth and happiness.


20. Planning does not always get you where you want to be:

     We can plan and plan and plan, but Allah is the best of planners. You may have heard that saying before. That's because sometimes we think we've got life figured out. That if we can just put the pieces together in a so and so manner that things will fall where they should. But life will teach you that sometimes they don't. It's about how we choose to bring ourselves back up again and on the track to reality that counts. And the reality is that you're not the one in charge, He is.