Monday, 20 January 2014

Invisible Relationships: Why Playing a Double Life Will Get You Nowhere

      Yes, I am aware this is "Random Rants of a Muslima" and I haven't been as angry as I should be. So here goes.

      This entry is dedicated to all my brothers and sisters playing "the game". To all the brothers who are "just looking for a wife". And to my sisters who think they're "just friends."

      Dear beloved young brothers and sisters in Islam,

  You're youthful. Energetic. Full of pent up emotions and passion waiting to be disposed of. That is perfectly normal. I will not dictate how you should run the course of your life. But I just want to let you know that your actions won't be hidden from view much longer. I write with the intent to expose those of you who have slipped into the habit of having what I like to call "invisible relationships". Yes, I am talking about that on-the-side fella or lady whom you've found a safe haven with. So while you spend your free time entertaining this questionable relationship with the opposite gender, under whatever excuse you've sold yourself of "were just friends" and that "she doesn't respect herself anyway" and the sort, you've really only fooled yourselves into believing that you're guaranteed a shield between you and Allah. 

     Wait, that's not you, right? I must be talking about some other people on the other side of the world or something.

    Why? Because you pray five times a day and constantly hammer your online networks with Islamic reminders? That Facebook wall, twitter, instagram, whatsapp and wherever else you work full-time to deliver your perfect image. More spaces to connect with "potentials", am I right?

  Between monitoring all your accounts and sucking in all the celebrity love, the private messages and chats have become a place of comfort and familiarity. Entertaining a single or multiple online relationships must be difficult to maneuver, I bet. Especially when they suck up so much of your free time. The attention must do wonders, right? And don't take me for a fool, when you send a "I like how you shared that hadeeth", no one is oblivious to your unstated intentions. Just drop whatever excuse you've convinced yourself of now. Because what is right doesn't need an excuse.

"It is not righteousness to enter houses from the back, but righteousness is [in] one who fears Allah. And enter houses from their doors. And fear Allah that you may succeed." [Albaqara:189]

   When's the last time you checked your heart? All of this time you've spent concerned with other people and managing these invisible relationships has drained your energy and you've lost focus of what really counts. Bottom line is, trying to blaze two paths is exhausting. It is not only tiresome but it distracts from Allah's worship. If everyday you have to feel that you're at risk of slipping from your deen, then you've made the journey harder for yourself. You've got no one to blame but your indecisiveness. My advice to you is to take a hard look at your life and evaluate where your standards stand. Are they flexible or are they as certain and solid as Allah's book? 

     Young one, nobody said that being a Muslim was easy. But there is no downtime for a pious Muslim. Do whatever it takes to keep to your standards. Get creative, distract yourself, indulge in causes, and keep temptations away from all your senses if that's what works. But, do not allow yourself to witness your own hands and eyes commit wrong and choose to be stubborn against Allah's orders.

"And let those who do not find the means to marry keep chaste until Allah makes them free from want out of His grace." [Al-Nur:33]

Ps. Anyone who thinks of themselves as "single and ready" to mingle can go find those like him. That's enough toiling with our chaste sisters and brothers.

If you want to read more, try one of our top articles: "Sister's Speak: A Muslima's Common Boy Problems" and part 2 of it as well!