Saturday, 14 September 2013

20 Signs You Might Have an Ego Problem

Here are 20 signs you may have an ego problem:

1. You don't play with kids:

     That's okay, Kids don't have much to offer anyway, right? Wrong. Your inability to see the potential for learning from those younger than you is preventing you from experiencing the most out of life as a result and is ultimately a reflection of arrogance. I wrote about this previously in "10 Reasons Why Kids Don't Like You".  Children have an extremely accurate ego detector and the fact that they don't gravitate towards you is their detection at work.

2. You can't maintain a conversation with an elderly person:

     Seniors have experienced a great deal of trials and have accumulated years of wisdom and lessons as a result of their long life. When they speak to a young one who thinks they've figured life out, they don't bother engaging in a meaningful conversation with them. Even if they do, it will be the superficial kind. They've met a multitude of diverse personalities and they know how an arrogant one should be treated, so they maintain silence and conserve their energy on more important matters. Point number 12 in "20 Life Lessons That Took Me by Surprise" elaborates on this subject further.

3. Persuasion & seduction is your best asset:

     You spend a great deal of your time looking up ways to convince others to fall under your control and to fulfill your desires and expectations. For example, you are interested in throwing compliments where necessary in a conversation to get on the good side of the one you are speaking to so they are more likely to agree with you. Your ability to manipulate others can be quite fascinating at times and may be working for you, but that doesn't mean it is the right thing to do. How do you react in the circumstances where it is unsuccessful?

4. You must win debates and arguments: 

      You have a deep desire to reach closure on matters which put your ego at risk. The closure must be oriented towards what you desire and what fits your world view. Even if you leave a conversation unresolved and an argument as a "loser", you will spend a great deal of time thinking and replaying the scenario so that next time, you will not fall as the subordinate in the debate. You might even spend a great amount of time researching and getting your facts straight so that you won't be shamed in a debate ever again.

5. You believe that you are a great judge of character:

     You've met enough people to generalize and tell others how they should act. You can even read people's intentions and you are sure you know what is in their hearts, subhanallah! You know the "religious" ones from the rest too. Check out number 3 in "20 Life Lessons That Took Me by Surprise".

6. You don't need to ask any questions: 

      You don't need to read much. Everything is redundant and not new to you anyway. If you have a question, you will find an answer through your own exploration or research. You may even be satisfied with an answer you come up with on your own. It would be a shame to ask for help anyway, right? Read point number 2 in "Top 10 Elements of a Charming Muslim Man" and number 3 in "Top 10 Elements of a Beautiful Muslima" for more on this topic.

7. You can always have more:

     You deserve more so you should have more. You wonder what you've done to deserve such a mess of a life sometimes. Special folk such as yourself deserve more than average treatment for their hard work and dedication, not to mention their undeniable attractiveness and charisma.

8. You must receive approval and compliments from people for what you do: 

    When you do good, you look forward to that compliment and approval to validate your efforts. It's best to perform the good deed in front of a crowd so they see you for the awesome person that you are. Your actions and always proceeded by an anticipation of a positive reaction from people, otherwise there is really no point. When you don't get this feedback, you usually lose patience and quit trying.

9. You believe there is always a right and wrong side:

    Everything is black or white and good or evil. There is no middle path; the middle path is for indecisive losers who don't know what you know. Fact are facts and they are as set in stone and are as true as the bright sun - there can be no diversity in approach. It's either right or totally wrong. You won't change your mind once it's made up either. Read point 11 in "20 Life Lessons That Took Me by Surprise"

10. You can't give a sincere compliment:

     You find yourself envious and wanting what others have. They have things which only a person like you truly deserves and you can't fathom how they have been given what you weren't. If no one compliments you then why should you compliment others and make their head big? Even if you do give a compliment, it doesn't feel right. Almost like you've put your ego at risk and did someone a favor they don't deserve. 

11. You are competitive in every situation:

    If there are eyes watching, you must compete to win. Even if the competition happens to be in something you are not skilled at. When you lose, you can usually convince yourself of all the other awesome things you're good at and that this skill is not important anyway.

12. You have to hide your true feelings: 

     Just face it, you are not happy putting so much effort into pleasing the world. It's costly, tiring and involves a great deal of faking your way through life. You are not familiar with any alternatives and can't imagine how your friends and the people around you will react to your true feelings and desires.

13. You expect a great deal from the world:

     The world has a lot to live up to according to your point of view. You are constantly complaining about all the wrong that is in it. The blame is always on someone or something else. Your advice is extremely valuable and others should take your word very seriously  Read point 15 from "20 Life Lessons That Took Me by Surprise" and point number 1 from part 1.
14. You are losing friends:

    Well, you think it's their loss anyway and everyone is bound to lose friends. They could be just jealous of you for all you know. You still have some friends and they're just awesome because they agree with everything you have to say and don't challenge your thinking. Most people don't do business or work with you twice unless they have an personal interest in the matter. Face it, you're a pain to be around. You think it's quite clever  to be a blunt person who speaks their mind so you tell others what you really think of them, even if you know it will hurt them. Be careful, the common factor in all of your lost friendships is you, not them.

15. You use the word "I" quite often:

     You just do. Everything revolves around you.

16. You won't share credit: 

     Your hard work can never be shared by an amateur. Most of the time you prefer to work alone anyway but when you're forced to be in a group, you are sure it was you who put in the most effort and who truly deserves credit for the work. It's difficult for you to relinquish your association with your work once it's complete. You'll bring it up in almost every conversation and rub it in everyone's face just so they know who they're talking to.

17. You take titles and positions very seriously: 

     A title of "president" or "director" is the one you want. And when you have it, you act as if it is your ticket to bossing everyone around. You are convinced no one can really replace you or take on your position the same way or better than yourself. 

18. You don't listen: 

    Or maybe you do, sometimes. But just so you can understand the person in front of you and prove you're right. If you don't, you're just quiet so that they finish what they have to say and you can continue talking about your own business - which everyone is expected to attend to. You're not boring like them anyway.

19. You think that if you tried hard enough, any man/woman would fall in love with you:

   The only reason the world doesn't fall head over heels for you is because you haven't given them a chance; you're just too "hard to get". You know all in ins and outs of seduction and will try to manipulate all of the conditions to suit your master plan of making that special person fall for you. When they don't however, you are angry and sometimes you can't hide it - or you just dismiss him/her as not knowing what's best for themselves and that you weren't really that attracted to them anyway, right?

21. You think you're "religious" enough: 

     Your character doesn't need any work. You have the right amount of religion to get you into jannah you're just so sure of it. 

UPDATE: I wrote a new post on 20 ways you can challenge your ego. Let me know what you think!

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  1. I have 5 of these,
    Help! What do I do.

    1. That's okay don't panic. The fact that you could recognize them is a humble quality in itself. Being more attentive to the self and the thoughts that may cross my mind during those situations helps me. Sacrificing with your time and energy to others without expecting anything in return works too. The battle with the ego is not easy and it won't end anytime soon. But the first step is to recognize where we need improvement.

  2. Please make another post on how to cure this egocentric attitude! Most of these apply to me.. :(

    1. Sure, I'll try my best to make a part 2 in sha Allah

    2. here you go!

  3. Insha Allah! adorable explanation. Unfortunately most of these points apply to me. But i've heard somewhere that having an Ego is good only If you're enough wise to control your ego.

    1. Well, everyone has an ego it`s not a question of whether you do or don`t. It`s a matter of control and vigilance. Being able to detect when your ego is taking over is the first step. The ego pushed Satan to commit the first sin, so it`s an important part of what makes us human. I`m thinking of writing a post on little tips to conquer your ego`s desires.

    2. Is there any benefits of having an Ego?

      Well recently i realized that; I'm an egoistic person. Some of mine friends says "Having an ego is good, because it provokes you to do unbelievable things when your ego is hurt. In short - You'll do whatever it takes to beat someone in any kind of competition or challenge to proof yourself better, but having big ego isn't beneficial." However, i'm already aware of it's disadvantages and its true that i hate to lose in any kind of competition especially in Debate etc...

      So do you think having an ego is good?

    3. That's a good question. But I think we shouldn't phrase it that way. Because everyone has an ego. It's just built into us. What we do have control over is how far we let this ego take us. I'm going to write another article on how you can challenge your ego. I hope you'll read it. Jazak(i) Allah khair for reading.

  4. I have 15 of these but I knida sense there may be an issue but I feel like those are all great qualities how do you know when its to much. Shouldn't a person take their title seriously and want to be competitive

    1. Oh no please don't count and diagnose yourself dear! That's not the point. You always know when it's too much when it begins to consume your everyday life, hinder your relationships with those you love or when it takes over your thinking and makes you anxious. Of course , a little ego is good for confidence and we need confidence to function. So the judgement is up to you. Try to write it down and see what you come up with.

  5. omg i think i have them ALL! SubhanaAllah what do i do now??

  6. i am also having all these problems..:(

  7. Lmaooo my ego is massive then, time for self work.

  8. SubhanAllah !! Jazakallah Khair for opening my eyes ! I have ALL of them !!! *panic* But what do I do NOW ?? please HELP !!!

  9. how can i control this..its really true it happened to me.

  10. Honestly I have most of it.. I want to get rid of it!!
    I want friends .. I mean good friends but can't :/

  11. Thank you for writing this article, it's very objective and reflective of reality. Everyone does indeed have an ego, unless they have some sort of injury or disability that has removed it. We need it in order to feed ourselves and protect ourselves. Humans are prone to easy ego damage, often from traumatic events or from the behavior of others, or from our own desire for power or recognition, resulting in either swelling (arrogance) or shrinking (fear). Both of these are frequently addressed and warned against in all the books of Abraham, because they cause us to trip and damage ourselves and others. Ironically the ego is the very thing that reacts in defense of itself, especially when exposed or challenged. Humility is not the destruction or the denial of the ego, it's much healthier and kinder than that, The letting go of the desire or demand to be seen as flawless, the letting go of the desire for power over others, the letting go of the desire or demand to be seen as not needing to learn, and the letting go of the desire to be superior to others and therefore privileged over others. The ego itself is the biggest obstacle to humility, especially when it's inflated or damaged.
    One needs courage and strength to achieve or experience humility. Thank you again.

  12. Help!!! I have 17 signs in common except 1,2 and one with the complimenting others. And my biggest problem is I am loosing friends. Please help me I was not like this before...

  13. I guess m suffering from all of this.. . Especially loosing friends n family members.... plz help m in serious trouble

  14. I get having a big ego is wrong, and I know I suffer from it, but I also know it comes from deep psychological and emotional wounds. In therapy, I discovered my ego protected me from a lot of things growing up. It might not be healthy on the long run, but it is useful when you're experiencing something difficult in your life. Like someone said before, ego sometimes makes you do incredible things. Personally, I think the problem with ego is knowing when it's not longer necessary. Ego helps for the survival of oneself. But when you get to a part of your life when you're not "surviving" anymore, the "living" part doesn't understand the ego... That's when you have to get rid of it, and that's the part I'm having trouble. I don't know how to live without defending myself or trying to impose my point of view... It's almost like a defense mechanism.
    Great post. Thank you!

    1. Thanks for sharing! It's great that you're doing therapy and a first step towards feeling more comfortable with your ego and sense of self. It's important to have enough ego in our lives to be able to show confidence in imposing boundaries on things that may cause us distress or my limit us. Expressing your opinions is your right and it doesn't have to be through imposition. Sometimes, just adding a few words to our vocabulary and getting used to them is enough to help others feel comfortable talking to us and expressing themselves as well. Definitive words such as should, always, or never usually evoke defensiveness in others and ourselves for ex.

  15. Good post, I have 2 or 3... nice background BTW too, looks very sharp.

  16. I think the author probably has some issues of her own??

    1. haha yes I reread and the tone of the article sounds aggressive. I meant it sarcastically but hopefully when you read more you'll get me more :)

  17. Lol I read that other guys comment saying he has 5 of these. I have all of these and I have absolutely no control over my ego and even though I do all of these things I have talked to myself and I know I have an issue here but I'm also very hard headed and I have always done things the way I was shown growing up my parents always expected the best of me and growing being the oldest out of 4 I always feel the need to excel at everything I do so I never really feel good enough for them honestly. That effected me also yea the whole losing all of my friends part is very real for me right now but I just bottle it all up because now I'm grown up and it just sucks. I'm planning on moving out soon so I won't be of any harm to my family because I neglect them too sometimes. Most of the time I spend working 50-60 hrs a week 3rd shift from 9pm to 7am 5-6 days a week. So when I get home I wanna sleep and most of the time I'll end up sleeping all day and all I get time for is to eat and go to work again. Can't drive because of stupid reasons but will be able to in 5 months. I know It could be worse and I know I can be my own person I'm thinking of doing yoga to relax a little more and hopefully that helps. But for now my ego will live on till I fix it.

  18. Do you have any recommendations of any self help books about the ego? Amazing work btw, it hit me like a ton of bricks because everything was so on point. Im losing every relationship i've had and I really want to change. Thank you!

  19. Hey :) I have none of the signs.Very informative post,btw.Many people will be taken aback.Keep up the good work.

  20. Assalaamualaykum,

    This was painful to read. I feel you're writing about only me and it's affecting my everyday, making me quite sad. I try to work on it, but everyday I make mistakes and feel worried that I will never rid myself of this.


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