Random Rants of a Muslima's Top 10 Most Read Articles of 2013

    

Happy New Year Everyone!

      I thought I could show my appreciation for my readers by revealing the Top 10 Most Read Articles on this blog.

     I realized from this list that the most read posts were the ones that focused on the topics not so readily talked about so I hope to continue along this route in sha Allah. I think it is far more beneficial for me and for everyone if I was to add to the blogging world new ideas and thoughts  rather than with cliches. I want to hear from you on your favorite posts and what you liked or didn't like the most about this blog.

     To be honest, when I started this blog I didn't anticipate anybody reading it. I figured, who'd want to hear anything from an anonymous sister? I just needed a place to dump my thoughts so I felt like they were important. But alhamdoulillah good intention goes a long way and Allah (swt) wanted you all to hear them and for that I'm grateful.

    I am thankful for all of you readers, for the fellow sisters who courageously submitted their entries and for all the benefit that came from this initiative. Alhamdoulillah.

     So, without further delay, here is the top 10 posts of 2013:

# 10:

Top 10 Elements of a Beautiful Muslima

This was one of my first posts. I wanted to write about very specific qualities that make a woman stand out. There was really nothing out there that explained beauty in the character of a Muslima in specific. I hope you've enjoyed reading it as much as I've enjoyed writing it.

# 9: 

Sister's Speak: A Muslima's Common Boy Problems

A little risqué, I know. I was contemplating for quite some time whether I should do a post like this one. I postponed it until I couldn't handle hearing more stories of broken sister's hearts. So, with the help of a dear friend, we were able to put together our two cents on common gender relations issues. There's a part 2 as well.

# 8:

10 Verses That Address The State of Our Ummah

This one was long overdue. There was too much confusion and hate in the air. It was time to come back to the basics and to extract some inspiration and guidance from the Quran and Sunnah. These times are tough on all of us, but we mustn’t forget our mortality.

# 7:

The Dreaded Dress

This one was written by a dear sister whose thoughts were unfiltered and honest. Which I think is what ultimately helped the viewer relate. She was quite hesitant to share this, but with some encouragement, she ended up doing so and I'm thankful for that, cause it's a really great entry.

#6:

From Buddhism to Christianity and Finally to Islam

Another great entry by a dear sister who's been through quite a bit. Her story is inspiring and humbling to say the least.

#5:

20 signs you have an ego problem

If you've been following for quite some time, you might have noticed a recurring theme of the ego. That's because I think it's one of these hidden things that we tend to assume others have a problem with and we don't. I wanted to shed light on the signs that one might have to recheck their ego. I might have used too many yous there though.

#  4:

7 Issues Muslims Face Working With Each Other

 This post was inspired by personal experience. There was too much going wrong with the Muslim community in the professional sphere. I thought it was time to address the frustrating issues we face when we try to work with each other. I thought maybe if people knew that these issues exist, they would be more wary of the way they interact with each other. If the article sounds like it was written in anger, that’s because it was; a legitimate rant.

# 3:

10 Reasons Why Kids Don't Like You

I got inspired after witnessing many adults express openly how bad they were with kids and after seeing some of their failed and embarrassing attempts at befriending them. Our children are a silenced majority that need our attention. This was for them

# 2:

Racist Things Your Fellow Muslims Say to Each Other

For this entry, I thought it was about time that we addressed racism from within. We tend to talk a lot about externalized racism but we’ve forgotten that as an ummah, we need to collectively work within before we can expect anyone else to do so. I collected statements heard from many colleagues and acquaintances and complied them into a list.

#1:

10 Signs You Love Someone For The Sake of Allah

And finally, to my favorite article of all time. The term “love for the sake of Allah” was starting to become common and I wondered how many of us really knew what it meant. So I derived the basis of this entry from the Sunnah and Quran and came up with a list of what I thought was love for Allah’s sake.

Thanks again for your constant support and reading. Feel free to post a comment below or share this with your friends.

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Girl's Corner: 10 Easy Beauty Secrets That Actually Work

  I thought I should do a little something for my girls. I want to share with you the tips and products that actually make a difference, and that don't cost a fortune for a change. So, enjoy trying them out, let me know how they work out for you, and feel free to share your own. Follow the links for the products.

Here are 10 simple beauty secrets from me to you:


1) Baking soda + your favorite cleanser make the perfect scrub. Their texture is fine but coarse enough to clean deeply and get rid of those dead skin cells on your face. My favorite cleanser so far is L'Oreal Paris Youth Code Foaming Gel Cleanser.


2) Take it easy on the face washing. The oils that naturally form on your face work as a barrier for incoming bacteria and pathogens. If you need an acne fighting and antibacterial essential oil, try a dab of tea tree oil. And wash your face once or twice a day with a clear and sensitive cleanser.


3) Aloe vera gel is magic for the whole body. Apply some on the skin for instant relief from windburn and dry skin. Also, use it on damp hair, let it dry and comb it out for the shiniest hair you can ever have. Use on face before bed for some serious moisturizing. Make sure you buy a non-alcoholic formula that's a 100% aloe vera. My favorite is Fruit of The Earth.


4) Don't get tricked by advertisements for white teeth from your dentist. You can get the same results at home by purchasing a gel with hydrogen peroxide in it and using a plastic guard for 5-10 minutes a day for a week. You can maintain the whitening with an electric toothbrush (preferably an Oral-B brush) and whitening with the gel once every two weeks or as needed.


5) No to antiperspirants! Get a regular deodorant with natural salts. Don't clog your pores with harsh chemicals. There's also a cancer warning on them too. My favorite to use is Nivea Pure and Natural Deodorant. Although, it's not for everyone.


6) Use a hair pomade or an eyebrow gel to tame the brows. Brush them out with a clean old mascara wand.


7) Can't get those blackheads to open up? Use toothpaste on the trouble areas, remove and squeeze gently in a  pulling away motion.


8) Vaseline is your friend in the winter. Apply just enough to the cheeks, bridge of nose, lips and forhead for a highlighter effect. Apply some to the tear ducts of your eye and your eye lids too. It will save you from the wind burn.


9) Don't go without sunscreen! Find a formula that combines as a moisturizer, SPF protection and a sheer coverage (optional). If you are darker in color, purchase a low SPF and make sure it's oil free. My favorite is Clean and Clear's Finishes Pore Perfecting Moisturizer.


10) If you shower in hot water, save your hair from it! Wash your hair separately under cold water after using conditioner. It makes the biggest difference.


That's all for now! Let me know if these tips work for you.

Oh, and if you want to know how you can perfect inner beauty, read Top 10 Elements of a Beautiful Muslima.

:)


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How Getting Lost in Transit Became A Metaphor for the Straight Path

     If you're anything like me, a simple experience like getting lost in transit is nothing to shrug your shoulders about. It may be paranoid thinking, but a little reflection never hurts.

    As Muslims, we are aware that accidents are not really accidents. We know that we are being tested when we encounter a bump in the road. So some of us reflect quite a bit; wondering where the wisdom of Allah is in this moment of trial. But of course, we are only human with limited cognition and capabilities and any conclusion we come up with will obviously be incomplete. But we ponder and reflect nonetheless; trying to find a conclusion which gives us ease and increases our iman in Allah (swt).

   The other day, I was on my way to see some friends in a new location about an hour away. It was quite some time since I've been out of the home. With the cold weather and extended family time, I thought it was time to get away for a bit. As soon as I left the home, I felt bare - similar to the way a student might feel when they don't wear a backpack. I needed a few minutes to get used to the sun hitting my face and the cold winter air. I had figured out my trip the night before and had no doubts it would get me to my destination. So, while I was on my first bus, I remained vigilant, on the edge of my seat awaiting the specific intersection. As soon as I heard one of the streets on the intersection, I requested a stop. I got off the bus promptly, expecting a smooth transition between this one and the next.

    However, suddenly I had found myself alone and in the middle of nowhere. I looked back at the bus, I contemplated getting back on while turning my head and inspecting the area. I can see the highway in front of me. On my left is a road extending from the highway. And to my right was a long trail that appeared endless from where I stood; with some wild bushes lining the trail. I could not see further than these growths, since they stood on a hill that hid what was behind it, although I was sure it was empty farmland. Before I knew it, the bus was no where to be found, it went off into the unknown.

   Here I was, a woman alone. This is the 21st century, I thought, I can use my phone to call someone to come get me. But no one picked up. Now, I was completely alone. 

  Then my mind started playing games with me. Racing thoughts of worst case scenarios started swarming in my head; someone appearing out of the bushes and taking advantage of me. Or a car pulling up and abducting me. Then where would I be? What use of anything I've ever done be then? What can save me if I'm without anything of protection? What will if my life is saved?

  I felt the need to act quickly and make a decision. All I need is civilization. I needed the best option at finding people, I thought.

  But to my left was no use. So it was inevitable that I blaze the path I was afraid of the most. My heart was beating loud and I could hear and see my breath from the cold air. My extremities were freezing. I began to run.

    I ran and supplicated. Perhaps it was an overreaction and irrational fear, but at that moment, I couldn't risk pretending that everything would be okay. I had to remain vigilant and I was alert and ready for anything. I thought, at least there were cars passing every now and then. I could jump in the middle of the road and stop one if someone tried to do me harm. Thoughts still racing. At that moment, I didn't give one thought to how ridiculous I looked. People's opinions of me were the last of my worries right now, I thought.

  Suddenly, in the distance, I saw the first sign of life; a the tip of a building, then lights, then the sound of life. Alhamdoulillah. The adrenaline rush subsided. I found the second bus and was back on the path again. Sure of the destination, but at the same time not so sure. I realized now that the room for uncertainty was under Allah's mercy and He alone possessed knowledge of it. I needed Him for this ride. As sure as I was initially, I needed Him for the things I thought I could count on the most. Because once we've given ourselves full control, then that is when we must be the most weary. Because it is merely an illusion.

    Some might say that from your nerves, you panicked and got off a stop early. And that I should have just paid better attention. But the heart knows what the mind cannot comprehend. And in that moment, I could not have predicted that I would be lost. I realized that this whole experience was one big metaphor for the straight path (sirat elmustaqeem).

   The straight path is comfortable. It is only natural. For we wouldn't be pure from birth if not. It calms the nerves and leaves one with ease. But Satan has promised that he would sit on that path:



  [Satan] said, "Because You have put me in error, I will surely sit in wait for them on Your straight path."[7:16]

      So as Muslims, we cannot expect a smooth sailing. What happens when we are led astray from that path? In my story, finding my way back was not as hard as I believed. Similarly to the way Satan leads you away. You commit one sin and feel lost, Satan tells you you're a hypocrite and not a true Muslim and that you shouldn't bother returning to the path. But the path is there! Just shake off his whispers and you'll see it right in front of you! Use your heart and let your gut feelings guide you back.

  I could have just as easily walked into nothingness that day. What does a believer do when he finds no path to return to? Or worse yet, when he doesn't believe in the existence of a path at all? He will surely be lost and his illusion of being free from a path will cause his demise. Just as I've been lost from civilization and my only source of survival for that moment, the non-believer and the one who has been led astray will find no food or shelter for his heart. And it doesn't matter how many people are in his company. If they are all lost, then there is no use for them. They will only lead him further away from his natural calling.

  Find the strength in Allah. Know that your humanness leaves you vulnerable to the turbulence that comes from this world. You cannot dodge all the trials and you cannot also guarantee yourself a smooth ride. Accept that the only way back is from His guidance. Use your heart and Satan will be left fuming.



  "And do not sit on every path, threatening and averting from the way of Allah those who believe in Him, seeking to make it [seem] deviant. And remember when you were few and He increased you. And see how was the end of the corrupters."[7:86]


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Redefining My Relationship with Allah; from Earthly to Divine

     I know that's a confusing title. Stay with me for a second.


    Recently, I got an epiphany of the sort that leaves you a little different than before. One that immediately struck me and that flooded my eyes with tears. As soon as I felt them on my cheeks, I began questioning whether they were tears of joy or tears of agony, tears of regret or tears of humility? Whatever they were, I knew at that moment that I had transformed my idea of who I should be as a human being and a servant to Allah. The joy was from the relief of finding truth and an answer. The agony was from the pain of not having known for so long. The regret was from the shame that I felt. And the humility was from the reality of how small I am in comparison to His universe and the Almighty Allah Himself.

     I realized something profound. A part of me had been projecting my notions of human relationships onto my relationship with the Creator. Many of my insecurities about people became ones I practiced when I spoke to Allah (swt). Although, I had been speaking to Allah as a friend and a father figure, there was a flaw in this I could not see. Once I began to compare the way I felt in human relationships with the one I had with my Lord, it became instantly clear how much of myself I had put in Him. I realized how much I was really projecting of my own expectations of people onto my relationship with Him and this caused me to feel some shame and regret. I came to the conclusion that if I was to redefine my relationship with Allah, I must first decode my projections and learn about Allah's mercy with his servants first hand - and that is from His ahadeeth.

     People have limitations. Even the ones who claim to be in infinite love have limitations. Their time and energy devoted to caring is dependent on a number of factors that can be clouded by the ego. It is impossible to confidently claim for any human on this earth that they are in a genuine and fully committed relationship ; as you are not their creator and you have no access to their deep thoughts and feelings. We mustn't forget that their very essence of their humanity is built on sin and imperfection. Thus our expectations from our relationships with people should not be same ones we place on our relationship with the Lord. Your father and your mother or your wife or your husband as well as your siblings and friends can be the best of people on this earth whom you know but they are not Allah. The rules of engagement and the relationship which we practice with them can never be compared with the one with the Al Mighty. How do we tell the difference? What makes our relationship with Allah special? That was the question I sought to answer.

    I'm going to share with you through the following, the thoughts going through my head that struck me into the realization that I had to redefine my relationship with Allah. Here goes:


     1) Relationships with people are those that are human and that are based on a similar background or relative experience. So, by saving up five minutes to speak to Him at the end of my day when it is convenient, I have therefore decided to treat my relationship with Allah like mine with other humans. I am indirectly saying that I can do without him in the time in between. Or that there is no space or appropriateness for me to connect with Him throughout my day (not including prayers). Now I'm aware that the fact that He watches me at all times means I can assume He is by my side as well. Somewhat like an imaginary friend that's not so imaginary, and who lives in my heart and the universe as a whole.

     “I am with those whose hearts are broken for My sake.” Hadith Qudsi


     2) My general feelings of mistrust towards people was evident in my belief that as soon as I committed sin, I spent hours begging for forgiveness, never feeling like I have earned or deserved it. I realized that I was implying that Allah's mercy is difficult to attain and that I must be a perfect saint to get some of it. Also expressing that Allah loses something by forgiving, similarly to the way humans perceive to lose ego when they forgive others. It is me that has much to lose, not Him.

     A servant [of Allah's] committed a sin and said: O Allah, forgive me my sin. And He (glorified and exalted be He) said: My servant has committed a sin and has known that he has a Lord who forgives sins and punishes for them. Then he sinned again and said: O Lord, forgive me my sin. And He (glorified and exalted be He) said: My servant has committed a sin and has known that he has a Lord who forgives sins and punishes for them. Then he sinned again and said: O Lord, forgive me my sin. And He (glorified and exalted be He) said: My servant has committed a sin and has known that he has a Lord who forgives sins and punishes for sins. Do what you wish, for I have forgiven you. Hadith Qudsi

     "O My servants, you sin by night and by day, and I forgive all sins, so seek forgiveness of Me and I shall forgive you."Hadith Qudsi

     "O My servants, were the first of you and the last of you, the human of you and the jinn of you to rise up in one place and make a request of Me, and were I to give everyone what he requested, that would not decrease what I have, any more that a needle decreases the sea if put into it." Hadith Qudsi

     3) I thought that I could only remember Him when I was in an appropriate state; when for example I was on wudu and when I am sitting idly. I realized I was insinuating that in order to gain contact to Allah and pay him respect, I had to be in a state similar to one that would be invoked when meeting another human being. As though Allah cannot see me in all my other states. However, I do continue to prefer to face Allah at a decent time, and preferably to make dua with wudu and facing the Qibla if I'm aware of it's direction, but I do not limit it the same way I limit human interaction.


     4) The physical reality we live in with other humans forces us to assume that forces other than our own come from outward places. So I used to look up to the sky when I made supplication. Although I believed Allah is aware of the hearts of all his beings, my actions did not reflect my belief.



     "There is no one to share His dominion, nor does He take an aide or supporter from His creatures. He is nearer to man than man's own jugular vein." [Al-Qur'an 50:16]

     "I am as My servant thinks I am (1). I am with him when he makes mention of Me. If he makes mention of Me to himself, I make mention of him to Myself; and if he makes mention of Me in an assembly, I make mention of him in an assemble better than it. And if he draws near to Me an arm's length, I draw near to him a fathom's length. And if he comes to Me walking, I go to him at speed. (1) Another possible rendering of the Arabic is: "I am as My servant expects Me to be". (Hadith Qudsi)

     5) Although I could perceive Allah's presence when I supplicated, the idea of a response was hard to conceptualize. This was further expressing my notion of human relations as one where if a person listens and does not respond, then they do not care. Also untrue.

     The prophet (peace be upon him) said " Call upon Allah with conviction in an answer"


     6) My supplications did not last longer than 10-15 minutes. Similarly to the way I speak to authority figures and acquaintances I respect, in order to not take up from their valuable time. Although I was aware that these laws do not apply to my relationship with Allah, my basic instinct to replicate my relationships with other humans kept this habit in my duas. The fact that Allah does not sleep and that he can be in the hearts of all of his creation at once, is one that struck me. Realizing He is aware of even the times when I am asleep prolonged my supplication. 

     "O My servants, you will not attain harming Me so as to harm Me, and will not attain benefitting Me so as to benefit Me. O My servants, were the first of you and the last of you, the human of you and the jinn of you to be as pious as the most pious heart of any one man of you, that would not increase My kingdom in anything. O My servants, were the first of you and the last of you, the human of you and the jinn of you to be as wicked as the most wicked heart of any one man of you, that would not decrease My kingdom in anything."Hadith Qudsi


     7) My requests were limited. So I would say alhamdoulillah and refrain from asking for material things. But if Allah can permit you into Jannah, He can make even the most insignificant desires come true. His powers are not like human powers, His blessings are endless. You are free to ask for all you desire, in this world and the next. 

    "O My servants, all of you are hungry except for those I have fed, so seek food of Me and I shall feed you. O My servants, all of you are naked except for those I have clothed, so seek clothing of Me and I shall clothe you."Hadith Qudsi


     8) I needed to stop asking the question of whether Allah loves me. I am one of his delicate creations. My anatomy itself is His gift to me. I am blessed in the good and in the trials. I remember Him and He remembers me. As long as I love Him and fear Him only, I must find ease in knowing that it was Him who loved me long before I perceived His presence. To show gratitude, I must let this love translate into actions. I must show my appreciation for His gifts by using them in things He loves. 

    Allah (mighty and sublime be He) said: Whosoever shows enmity to someone devoted to Me, I shall be at war with him. My servant draws not near to Me with anything more loved by Me than the religious duties I have enjoined upon him, and My servant continues to draw near to Me with supererogatory works so that I shall love him. When I love him I am his hearing with which he hears, his seeing with which he sees, his hand with which he strikes and his foot with which he walks. Were he to ask [something] of Me, I would surely give it to him, and were he to ask Me for refuge, I would surely grant him it. I do not hesitate about anything as much as I hesitate about [seizing] the soul of My faithful servant: he hates death and I hate hurting him. (AlBukhari)Hadith Qudsi

    9) I thought that if Allah has decreed anything anyway, I must accept it and therefore my duas were limited. But little did I know that it is the combination of acceptance of Allah's word and His mercy and powers that grant us what we please.


     Allah (swt) said "Oh Dawud, you desire and I desire. If you are satisfied with what I desire then I will give you what you desire and if you are not satisfied with what I desire I will make you weary with what you desire and then only what I desire will be. Verily, I do what I desire."


     10) I thought Allah could not help my wrongdoings. The same way that we are expected to abide by rules of human society and to claim responsibility of our actions, I could not attribute my sins to anyone but myself. In this way, I forgot that I could make dua from Allah to guide me to the straight path. If Allah is aware of all places, then he can surely make every condition possible, internal or external, to help me get closer to Him. I choose not to limit my thinking of his abilities to my thinking of human abilities.

      "O My servants, all of you are astray except for those I have guided, so seek guidance of Me and I shall guide you."Hadith Qudsi



   To be honest, all of these ahadeeth are overwhelming. They overwhelm my heart and flood me with tears of joy. I can only feel gratefulness now. Islam is a beautiful religion and we are given so many doors of opportunity to fix our deen. So, if I've learned anything from all of this, is that we cannot give up on ourselves. We must always be hopeful because Allah is with us regardless. One last thing; my advice to you is to take these ahadeeth and let them hit you in the heart. Take them as much more than words or rules of engagement. Take them with you as a philosophy and a chance to explore a new relationship with Allah (swt). I can promise that your life will never be the same and in sha Allah you will be one of those who find light where others find darkness.



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10 Facts and Tips to Help You Conquer Social Anxiety

     You get asked by your professor to face the class and answer a question on the material.

     You are sitting alone and a friend sitting in a group invites you to join them.

     You are about to meet your fiance's family and are desperate for a good first impression.


      If you were faced with one of the above? How would you react? How would you feel leading up to these events? 

      Everyday common situations like these are too many to mention. We are social beings that are forced to interact with others to lead a normal life. But what if the mere thought of these encounters leaves you nervous and agitated? There are some of us who cringe and get anxious every morning; wondering whether they'll have to be put on the spot again that day.

     How do we deal with this debilitating challenge? If we ignore society, we are left lonely and asocial and if we don't, there's a good chance we'll mess up and look stupid, right?

      I was one of those people. I was struggling with internalized racism, feelings of incompetence and constant strange behavior from tripping over nothing to eating like a confused animal.  When it came to interacting with people, I would avoid asking a question in class in fear of embarrassment or I would sit quietly in a group setting, in hopes that I wouldn't be provoked by a question from someone that I would awkwardly have to answer. Now I'm not going to lie and say that I don't occasionally do these things today because I do. But, the difference now is that I don't beat myself up for being different. I've learned to embrace even the most embarrassing aspects of myself. But none of it was easy. It all started with a conscious decision to challenge myself and see my personality as a constant work in progress. My biggest regret in all of this is letting my fears stop me from being myself and pursing the things I really wanted to do. If you can find me now, you'll see somewhere speaking confidently to professors and important figures. You might even see me on stage somewhere or in the street chanting in protest to whatever I was passionate about at the time. On top of that, my feelings of internalized racism have been replaced by assertive ways of speaking up against acts of discrimination and I am now working on constantly breaking other's perception of what people who are "like me" should and should not do. The decision to address this aspect of my life is the best one I've ever made. For this post, I wanted to share the helpful facts and tips that helped me conquer anxiety and I hope that  they will change your life for the better as well.


     Here are my 10 facts and tips to help you finally get over social anxiety:


1. All that sweating and panting is literally useless:

     When facing social anxiety, it first helps to acknowledge the normality of this struggle. Our anxiety is actually a normal physiological reaction to perceived threats - alternatively named our essential "fight or flight" response. But the difference is, with social anxiety, although it may feel as such, at that moment there is no real threat to our existence. However, our ancestors in the past required social interaction and belonging to a group for survival. This is why social anxiety and public speaking is the biggest fear that humans face today. Our past has become our present. When we finally acknowledge that our reaction is only a vestigial reminiscent of a past threat, it helps to put things back into perspective and to garner control of our body's reactions to stress.


2. Think about the worst that could happen: 

    Let's say you are about to perform a presentation that is important to your career. Before going in to the meeting, think of the worst possible consequence of your anxiety. Avoid laying out catastrophic events like "I'll lose my job" or "they'll shame me" etc. Think, you "might stutter" or "pronounce a word incorrectly". You may forget some content or you might blank out. But will any of these things kill you? After a nerve wracking public speech, we usually filter out the pros and we magnify the cons. It helps to have an honest friend in the audience to give you a realistic picture of how you performed. But again, you're not dead, so pat yourself on the back for that.


3. Challenge yourself to speak in front of a strange crowd:

    It's scary to imagine being in the spotlight in front of people who matter. People with social anxiety will assume everyone's opinion matters. But I'll lay it out there now and say that there will always be people out there who will question your existence and your behavior. It doesn't matter how confident and well-spoken you might be, it's just a fact of life. So let's at least start by appreciating ourselves and accepting who we are, flawed and all. Because no amount of gratification and praise from others can guarantee us true confidence. Confidence begins from within. Alright, so now that we know that we will always have critics and not everyone's opinion matters, we can test this by going to the other side of town and speaking in front of a strange crowd. It could be an artistic performance or a speech, but you've got literally nothing to lose in that situation.


4. Do an outlandish act that breaks societal norms:

   Science tells us that the most stressful situations arise from uncontrollable events. That is why when you're expected to perform under conditions beyond your control, you immediately get anxious. Well what if I was to say that you can be in control of the event that is supposed to make you nervous? What if you can enact the worst case scenario yourself? You can start small with mildly awkward or unexpected encounters with the public like high-fiving a stranger to doing the moonwalk and crossing the street. The best thing I found about being a minority member built up by stereotypes is that all it takes to break societal norms is to do anything outside that stereotype. Watch people's reactions and perhaps videotape your awesomeness so that you can watch it over again and laugh. When it comes to anxiety, it's a simple hierarchy model. So if you conquer the mildly nerve-wracking challenges, you will only progress further and gain more skills as you challenge yourself more.


5. Pay attention to your body and your thoughts: 

     If you've ever tried meditation, then this will be a simple exercise for you. In meditation, you are encouraged to pay attention to your internal energy along with your breathing. This can be practiced similarly in anxiety provoking situations by monitoring and paying close attention to the way your body acts in that moment. Take note of how warm your body feels or how hard your heart is beating. Now that you've realized what your body does, you can pay attention to those thoughts. When we're anxious, we usually speak in definite terms and label ourselves with negative beliefs like "I'm a failure" or "I cant do anything right". After you've acknowledged the symbiotic union between your mind and your body, start by harnessing control of your thoughts and countering the negative with the positive and the constructive. For example, instead of saying "I'm going to fail this exam", say "I'm finally going to finish this course" or "this is my final shot at demonstrating what I've learned." Next, you can bring your attention back to your physiological response, except now you can use progressive muscle relaxation and deep breathing to pair up your confident thoughts in your mind to a relaxed bodily state.

      
6. Decode your thoughts and beliefs about your competence: 

    If you experience debilitating anxiety on a daily basis, then perhaps there's an underlying cause for the feelings of inferiority. It may help to try and write these thoughts down in a journal or as a song or in the form of a painting. Do whatever helps you accept yourself and anything that gives you confidence. Use an objective measure and monitor your daily performance and behavior. Confident people tend to attribute their mistakes to external events. Although this may be biased and faulty, if it saves you from the anxiety and leaves you as your best self, then it's worth a shot. It also helps to attribute your confidence to internal events rather than external ones dependent on the feedback of others. So for example, if you know you've got a good personality and sense of humor, then one bad joke isn't likely to make you feel worthless. However, it is possible to be anxious in social situations and confident in yourself at the same time. Pinpointing your beliefs when you are nervous will help you determine whether confidence is a factor.


7. Stand for something bigger than yourself:
     
     We've established so far that social anxiety is a result of nervousness over what others think of you in that moment. So if we were to focus on the highlight and presentation of a factor other than yourself, it then becomes much easier to lose the nerves. I found that it is helpful to take on social challenges that are attributed to a bigger cause than myself. If I am sincere in my efforts at representing this cause, then my nerves and my personality and what people think of it is irrelevant. Not being under the pressure to sell yourself to anyone and redirecting control to yourself and how good you can present the cause will greatly diminish your anxiety. Knowing that the cause is more important than you gives you a feeling of responsibility and a challenge to showcase it in the best possible light, while at the same time rendering your personal issues minor.
    
     
8. Be around those that encourage you:

    The hardest thing about choosing to start changing oneself is facing people's enduring ideas about your character and their resistance to accepting and encouraging your efforts. Not everyone is as encouraging as they should be. Some might joke when you attempt to challenge yourself while others might assume that your traits are fixed and that you shouldn't bother trying. It's "who you are"; they might say. Well, you don't have to endure their discouragement. Sometimes it helps to challenge yourself to something without consulting anyone first. Ruminating and thinking about the consequences of your efforts at change will only exasperate the anxiety further. If you need to take some time off from friends and family to become the person you need to be, then do. You may also communicate to your loved ones how much this means to you and that you would like some encouragement.


9. Introversion and shyness is not an excuse:

    If we lived in an accepting and tolerant world, then this point wouldn't be in this list. However, society is unfortunately not suited for introverted and shy folk. Most are quick to praise and look up to the "outgoing" ones while neglecting the ones that aren't. So, if it takes faking or acting like an "outgoing" person to reach your goals and aspirations, then don't let it stop you and go ahead and do so. I say it's not an excuse because shyness and introversion can impede your growth and stop you from asserting your strengths and proving yourself. You don't have to prefer to be around people in your spare time, but make the effort to evaluate how your shyness has effected your life and make a decision from there. Fake it till you make it if you have to.


10. Find ways to get comfortable when you're alone:

    Most of us feel anxious around people when we crave their approval. If we were okay on our own, we wouldn't feel nervous around anyone. But we've all got to admit that we can't become schizoidal and choose to not interact with anyone at all. So when we pressure ourselves to be in a group and we feel incomplete when we're not, we are then falling in a downward spiral of nervousness about nervousness. When we are comfortable being alone, suddenly the worst that could happen is not so bad. If you're confused about how you can go about doing that, read "Just Face it, You're Alone in this World". I'll let you in on another secret, but it's not my own:

It is narrated from Aisha, mother of the believers, that the Prophet peace and blessings of Allah upon him said: "Whoever hold on to pleasing Allah over pleasing people, Allah will make him needless of people, and whoever holds on to pleasing people over pleasing Allah, Allah will leave his case to the hands of people."


Good luck!

What are your thoughts? How do you deal with social anxiety?


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