I Didn't Ask

No,

I don't want your number

neither am I impressed

by your attempts to "help" me

at every opportunity

I didn't ask for it.

So don't message me later

expecting I follow up on your generous favors

and say thank you, for being such a gentleman

If I look lost,

don't take it as an invite to jump in

and try to guide me

using your baby talk

and repetitive phrases

I'm not a child

I didn't ask for this

No, 

I don't have to be super excited when I see you

because you held a door for me once or twice

and if I just happen to be

don't think it means

you got this one in the "bag."

Did it not occur to you

that I might just
have other things in my life
 to be excited about

and not you?

No,

you are not entitled to invade my personal space

without checking with me first

that arm rest you did at the door

your pathetic try at looking like a man

respect my space, boy

And don't put me in the spotlight 

when I never asked for it, either

and don't' you dare

pay for me

we just met,

did you forget?

No,

I will not let you speak over me

interrupt me

I think you've forgotten

I've got a sharp tongue, son

I'll embarrass you

and I won't hold back

It's enough

that us women must always walk on the right 

must always keep our arms close to our bodies

and our purses closer

walk in public expecting stares from strangers

sitting on sidewalks with their legs spread out

it's enough we got used to you

asking us how old we are

and if we're single

enough with your entitlement

it's enough .

Just let us be

don't tame us.

join us

or

leave us wild

Spontaneous Reflections

Life. work. Obligation. Commitment. Relationships gone downhill. There hovers over me a thick smoggy cloud. Let it rain already. Or let it linger but for God's sake let it change its color. Grey cannot seem to decide between black and white. Grey is what happens when the unidentified merge together. What keeps us living? What is purpose? Lest it be a failed illusive attempt at masking our guilt for all that befalls humanity- or worse- our true desires to benefit our egos and make people love us. I want no one to love me sometimes. That means commitment and commitment means disappointment. It's a scary thought when you have become accustomed to people letting go and not staying true. So we put up walls. Strangely enough, if we talk you might be able to catch me every once in a while dig deep into myself and give something within away to what surrounds me. If you can catch me in those moments, we ought to be the best of friends. If you fail to see it, then I will slowly bring myself up to the shallow surface and part of me may never swim down again for you. I know that might offend some people. Now you know why I can't do commitment. I usually offend some people. Sometimes I sit and ponder the beauty of my past. The good fortune I had. In a desperate attempt to somehow relive it or consolidate myself that what is yet to come will be just as good maybe. But I stop myself. Far too early before I am deep into the memories and not yet enough for it to be a flashback. I feel there is no limit to how far I can imagine something. If I unleash that part of me, I may opt for a sedentary life replacing the real with the imaginary. I long for the days we watched cartoons of innocence. Young women picking flowers, talking to animals and singing. Their story is only about struggle with a harsh world that doesn't treat them delicately as they should be treated. Sometimes I feel that woman lives inside me. I really like her. And I like her company but she looks sad. When she is sad I am trying to please the world. The world is never pleased. I feel the need to write until the end of the page. But I know the page doesn't end. Why do I feel that way? Have I obligated myself to this? What other things do I obligate myself to and not know it. I long for the company of so many people of my past. Yet part of me feels that even if I was somehow able to have them summoned for me, that they won't fill the void in my heart. They say God only does and I believe them. God looks upon you with mercy and He engulfs your presence and protects you from harm. It is still a lonely life. I fear it will always be. I seem to know these days what I do not desire much more than what I do. This confuses me. I seem to be confused most of the time. They say it is temporary what you feel. But I have been feeling like a storm for ages now. Storms are supposed to settle. Settle and find a calm place. But maybe I am a storm meant to settle only in relative proportions. My storm today is calmer than yesterdays. Patience. Make peace with your storm regardless if the calm is on the way. Let it obliterate whatever is in its path as you are a wild and dangerous phenomenon not everyone knows how to understand or love. So love yourself before the storm multiplies and asserts its existence. Take it by its eye and tell it you love it.  I love my storms. Because it means something in me still lives and yearns for peace. It means I am alive.

Stained

Blood.

Red.

No one is left behind.

Your hands are not pure.

All is guilty.

None can flee.

This world

changing little each minute

but great each day.

Can't keep up.

Can't keep focus

on what matters.

I cannot

save you

or anyone

or myself.

There is no shelter. 

My eyes, 

My children's eyes

will be stained.

Why must it happen?

A call?

A sign?

Who lets it happen?

But,

God forsees

God allows

So God must know.

So I submit to Him

to keep me close

to His way,

steadfast,

until my time

and our time

our reunion.

Then we will know

all will know

and all will be just.

-Random Rants

A Heartfelt Letter from a Sister Harassed at Work

A dear sister writes,

Dear Reader, 

     I apologize in advance. I am sorry such a topic as this is necessary. I am sorry this is a real life threatening issue. I am sorry this issue even exists.

    I find it hard to introduce a topic such as this. There really is no way to ever start a conversation about sexual harassment without a heavy heart. In an ideal world, such an introduction would never be necessary. But this is the real world, and unfortunately the world we live in is a harsh one. Growing up, I was never what you call “sheltered”. I have seen and experienced some horrific things in my life. I bring this up only to demonstrate to you that my shock from the worsening conditions of sexual harassment is not the result of my naivety or sheltered-ness. 

     My experience all began at my work. I am a server/waitress at a restaurant owned by people within my own community. From the first week, I began to notice things that made me feel uncomfortable. For one, one of the cooks would occasionally come by and say flirtatious things to me. I was shocked by his boldness, and told him to stop. Soon after, another cook followed. This time it was worse. He said dirty things to me whenever I bent down. He said things whenever he walked passed me. After seeking the advice of my mother, I gave him a cold, hard look the next time he said another word. If he did anything else, I promised myself I would inform the manager. This thankfully worked. I was feeling relieved until another younger woman confided her worries to me. She complained about him making her feel uncomfortable. She shared the comments he made towards her. I told her she should do something about it. She told me she couldn't. She told me that a few weeks ago another cook (no longer working there) had bothered her and when she had gone to complain she was told “oh him! He wouldn't hurt a fly”. She told me if she complained about this new cook, then they would probably do nothing about it.

     I was getting really annoyed at this point. But he was the last of my worries.

What followed was an even more invasive incident. I had thought I could seek protection from my manager. I never knew my manager would be the next man to make me feel uncomfortable. It began with me noticing how close he seemed to stand next to me.  I thought “you’re imaging things that aren't there”. Then came the odd comments. These were the warning signs I ignored because I thought I was going crazy. They weren’t enough to alarm me, they weren’t enough to make a convincing case, but in retrospect, I can see how he was ‘testing the waters’. Over the next following days, I noticed he was getting bolder in the ways he touched me. I put off my worries until he touched my waist. That was I started feeling anxious. Anxious because I started asking myself “did that really happen, or did I imagine it?”. I knew for sure that I didn't like it, I knew for sure that I felt my my comfort zone had been invaded. I worried about it happening again. Would he? Could he? Was this just a mistake? He didn't mean anything by it did he? He is a balding man in his 40’s with three kids for goodness sake! Surely, he doesn’t mean anything by it…

     My patience ran out when he made a few comments that insulted me a few days later. Up until that point I had been bottling in my anger and anxiety. I ranted to my closest friend about how angry he made me feel, and in as I ranted my heart out, I reached a point where I had to share. “Can I tell you something? It’s a secret” I told her, “I haven't told anyone”. I proceeded to tell her the ways in which he would touch me. Immediately, she sensed something was wrong and urged me to do something about it. “But he’s a married with children!” I said. She told me what he did was still not okay. 

    I felt utterly weak. I did not know if I had the strength to stand up for myself. I was so scared. I thought I would have to quit my job. I needed the money and I was very upset that this would make me very financially unstable. I also didn't want to quit this early on in the job—surly everyone would ask my reasons for quitting and what would I say then? He was my manager, and his family owned the restaurant. Surly I would either be fired or I would have to quit. And in all honesty, I felt that sharing such a thing with others would be humiliating. I didn't want anyone to know what he did, and how uncomfortable he made me feel. I started feeling sick.

      I had no idea what to do. At the time, my friend was giving me all the support she could to do something about it. She reminded me that if I did not quit or complain then my only option was to endure whatever else was coming. I knew she was right. I did not want to let her down. I did not want to let myself down. I knew for certain that I would not allow some random man touch me around the hips without my consent. 

    The next day, I decided to tell my mother. I had decided I would make my complaint to head office, and I was ready to be fired if it came to it. Immediately my mother was upset. She told me I was blowing things way out of proportion, that I was reading too much into it, that he probably saw me as a daughter, that sometimes at work you just have to deal with things that irritate you. I share this with you not for you to be angry with my mother. I am sharing this because I want you to know that sometimes, even the people who have always supported you, the people you trust most, those very same people can be wrong. Those very same people may not support you. I do not blame her, I only felt sorry. After all, she is a woman, and perhaps after all these years, society finally managed to convince her to not speak up about these things. 

     I was quiet for a moment. I told her, “would Dad say the same things you said? Would Dad be comfortable with what this man is doing?” She was silent. 

I went ahead and told my father. If I was going to complain to head office, I needed to know that at least one adult saw what I saw. Immediately, he understood. Immediately he told me what my manager was doing was not normal. That no man would do that unless he meant it. He coached me through what I had to say.

    And so I went to head office. I was scared. I made my Dua’as and asked God to give me strength. I approached them and calmly said “I would like to speak with you. I have a complaint.” I went on seriously, retelling everything that had happened. With my father’s advice, I spoke like I meant business. I spoke like I was ready to destroy the company if they didn’t take what I had to say seriously. At first they tried to defend him. They said it might have been a product of miscommunication. They said he probably see me as a daughter. I told them I didn't care. I told them I wont have any man touch me without my consent. I told them I would pursue further action if they did nothing. They had no choice but to comply.

     What followed next was the consequences. When others heard the message I was told I blew things out of proportion by going to head office. “You could have just gone to the owner. Why get head office involved’ three people said to me. I began to feel guilty. “You made the problem bigger than it should have been” I told myself.

    Then I started to feel like what I had complained about wasn’t a big deal at all. 

     Had I imagined everything? “No” I kept telling myself, no man gets to touch me around the waist if I don’t want him to. I had to keep reminding myself that my complaint was legitimate, that it was real, that it was worthy of being taken seriously, that I have the right to feel comfortable and safe when I am at work. It was hard. I didn't believe myself. Up till now, I remind myself that it was real, that I what I did was perfectly well reasoned, though these doubts are fading and I am getting more confident.

     I started to feel like I had brought this on myself. Was there anything in my behaviour that made me seem “inviting”? I am being serious when I tell you that I actually thought to myself, “I smiled too much. I was nice. I wore lipstick” I thought to myself “it was my fault, I should have been smarter”. I felt sick. “How could I have been so naive?” I asked myself. When I mentioned my lipstick to my father, he said “well it was really bright, you know”. This added to my anxiety.

But I no longer feel like I was “asking for it”. Smiling isn’t a “COME AND TOUCH” sigh. Being nice to my co-workers and my manager wasn’t any form of invitation. I was simply being nice. I could not believe I was doubting myself. Did I want some old balding man to touch me? Of course not. So how on earth could I have thought it as my fault. How could I have thought of it as me “asking for it”. That was when I fully saw the power of victim blaming at work. Society never rests until it can put as much of the blame on the woman. Here I was, blaming myself because some old man couldn't handle himself. To hell with the doubts, I wasn’t asking for it.

     To all the women reading this, I want you to learn what I learned. If anyone ever makes you feel uncomfortable, I ask you to please take this advice:

     Firstly, ignore all those who do not believe you and those who do not support you. These people may be people you trust. Ignore them anyway. 

     Secondly, find people who will support you and have your back no matter what. For me, those were my friend and my father. 

     Thirdly, rehearse what you will say, make sure your complaint is coherent, and clear. Make it clear exactly what made you uncomfortable and unsafe. Make it clear that you did not consent, make it clear that you have clear boundaries that no one is permitted cross. Say this seriously, say it like you mean business. Say it like you wont stop at nothing until you get what you deserve. My co-worker who had complained and was told that the cook “wouldn’t hurt a fly” had shared her discomfort weakly. They did not take her seriously because she did not yet know how to defend herself. No one will take your fight seriously if you don’t. No manager or head office member will inconvenience themselves for you unless you force them to. Scare them. Threaten to take further action if need be. Fourthly, guilt and victim blaming is to be expected. Do not listen to those harmful thoughts. They are not true. Believe me. There is never was a woman who “asked for it”. Women who “asked for it” don't exist. You deserve to feel safe and comfortable and whatever you have to say is completely legitimate. 

     As a woman, I have increasingly come to realize that the world is not easy for women. They say feminism is dead. They say women have all the rights and freedoms they could ever need. They say women have reached the same statues as men; that a woman can enjoy all the privileges a man has. I say that day has not yet come. For now, protect yourself and protect the women around you. Believe me, I would do anything in my power to help another sister out. 

Sincerely,

Your sister in Islam

On Saying Goodbye

“There’s never a right time to say goodbye”

     When it comes to saying goodbye, some of us prepare for it and embrace it, others avoid and deny it completely, while some don't have the choice.

     Sometimes we ask ourselves, why did fate make us cross paths? Why did our existence happen to coincidentally bring together the most precise set of conditions so we could meet? Is there a purpose to it all? And if there is, why was it in our destiny to part?

    These questions can haunt us for our whole lives. And we may simply never find an answer.

     What I do know, as a human being living on this earth that believes in a One true and fair God, is that nothing happens without purpose and without His will or allowance. In other words, meaning every encounter with other human beings is significant. Regardless of whether I am able to recognize and distinguish this.

     That being said, what should we expect from our relationships with other human beings in this life? 

    If we are to expect that they fill a void within us and that we simply cannot live without their existence in our lives, then we will undoubtedly become attached. Likewise if we are to never trust ourselves to open up to others and try to embrace relationships, then we are missing out on the potential of a beautiful blessing given to us, which is the blessing of great companionship.

      I think the answer lies in loving others for God’s sake. When we love others for Allah’s sake we understand that this also means giving them up for His sake as well. It means letting our mutual interest of being closer to Him keep us together. While also letting our trust in His wisdom and control to help us relinquish the part of ourselves that gets attached to keep Him pleased.

      So at the end of the day, we are unable to guarantee the existence of good friends, family and loved ones around. Only Allah can do so. He brought you together and He can bring you apart. What we must remember is that we are brought together to keep Allah’s word alive, and to bring each other up to never forget the afterlife. We will no doubt mourn and that is okay. It is a beautiful thing. Yet we must never let our grief be unattached to our prayers and duas for the ones we love. Because ultimately we love to see them with us after passing the ultimate test on the Day of Judgement. And inshallah joining together in paradise.

     Remember that even though life isn’t fair, Allah is. And that is precisely the reason why Paradise exists. Look forward to it and love with all that Allah has given you. And always say alhamdoulillah for the blessing of such wonderful company.

Alhamdoulillah.

      If you’d like to know more about loving for Allah’s sake, read this article here.

Pause

My fingers linger on the keyboard.

My heart yearns for the freedom of exposing

my every feeling

at this very moment.

But they are bound

by fear.

Judgement.

Being imperfect and

not working out the right words.

How to describe such an immense amount of emotion...

Pause.

I feel my breaths becoming heavier.

I inhale pure air and exhale hurt.

A lot of it.

Maybe I could start with what I need right now.

A hug would be nice.

I want to share someone's good energy.

I want to feel in their arms an embrace of all the parts that I am.

I don't want anyone to tell me how to fix the hurt.

I don't need a checklist or an analysis.

So please don't do that.

Pause.

This is kind of nice.

Writing what I feel at the moment;

and maybe the thought that at least one person

might stumble across it

will make it all worthwhile.

And what will they think?

Would it even matter what they think?

Pause.

I want to walk in the woods alone right now

but I find no woods.

and what's bigger is the fear planted in me saying,

"Don't walk alone in the woods. Walk with someone it's safer."

But I don't feel a single bit safe

with the idea that I cannot have the freedom of being alone

without being questioned.

I want to find a place where no one can see me

and to sit

and curl myself into a ball

and let tears fall onto my thighs.

I want a voice in my head to tell me it's okay to not be okay.

It's okay to feel all the complicated that you feel right now

and it's not your fault.

And that somehow no matter how difficult it is to imagine,

you will think back to this moment

and see all the beautiful that is in it.

I'm so tired I'm losing strength.

I can't help others right now.

I want to tell them to leave me alone.

To just leave me be.

But I cant.

Pause.

Is it bad to say I'm tired of giving?

Is it selfish to want someone to give me something ?

But then again what would I want from them anyway...

Maybe a morning cup of coffee and a blanket

with sun peeking through the window and nothing 

else to make us hurry.

Maybe a silent walk in the woods. 

No words just mutual appreciation for the beauty around us.

Maybe a song beneath the stars in an empty desert

and maybe a listening ear when I finally begin to trust.

Pause.

I'm too afraid to type,

"what if...

that never happens?"

I don't want to think about being alone

and what's worse is that I don't want think about what I might do
 to replace that feeling.

What if what I'm feeling is something everyone is supposed to go through?

What if being alone is the essence of our existence,

and that no one can really be in an understanding company,

and that it doesn't even exist,

it's just an illusion?

Maybe that's the point.

Maybe the complexity of our lived experience is not meant to be 

understood or analyzed.

Maybe its just supposed to be,

and that the only being who can possibly understand all the complexity it brings
 is the one who lets it be, 

Then,

Oh, Lord!

Grant me the trust in You to know You are always there.

Let my heart feel better with just remembering You.

Let my heart seek no other than You.

And let it feel.

Feel without being afraid to feel,

and feel what it's supposed to feel.

Fearlessly.

Let me be fearless

of anything and everything except You.

Let it be fearless to love.

Be fearless to try time and time again

and most importantly,

let it be pure

and let it be satisfied.

Ameen.

20 Simple Ways to Challenge Your Ego

    

  I know I've been missing for a while from this blog. But I promise I'll be back with more soon :)

     So, while I was gone I hardly noticed, but the viewership stats for one entry jumped out among the rest. And that is the "20 Signs You Have an Ego Problem." I certainly didn't expect for it to get the views that it did. So, based on popular demand, I will try to list some simple ways you can challenge that ego to become the humble person you want to be.

    The comments on that post sparked some of my thinking. Some were wondering if having a little bit of ego is good for the self. I think that an important point needs to be made here folks; everyone has an ego. We are all born with one and it defines our existence as human beings. This internal struggle with our egos is where shaytan tries to find his way into your life. Why that's important to know is just because you have an ego, doesn't mean that you cannot challenge and control it yourself. So on that note, here are 20 simple ways to challenge your ego:


1. Be mentally ready to challenge your ego for the right intention:

   Let's face it, everyone is attracted to the humble hardworking underdog and we all gravitate towards being more like them. However, we should be asking ourselves the important question of why do we want to be more humble? If the answer to that question is to please and attract others, then you will undoubtedly fail. I cannot provide for you a secret calculated formula where you can be more humble if the intention of being so is to use it as leverage to be more socially dominant over others.  That is precisely the opposite of being a humble person. Your intention should be to please Allah, because it is He who ordered for us to remove arrogance from our hearts:

Abdullah ibn Mas’ud reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “He will not enter Hellfire who has the weight of a seed of faith in his heart and he will not enter Paradise who has the weight of a seed of arrogance in his heart.”

2. Ask questions even when you know the answer:

    Most of the time, we like to be the expert in conversations. And this is especially true if we have been studying the topic at hand for years and are just itching to speak about it. To be a humble person is to acknowledge that there may be others more versed than me in the subject at hand, and even when there is not, to leave the floor open for others to be empowered and acknowledged. This mustn't be done with the intention of "helping", but with the intention of challenging oneself to be more controlled and to realize that the world will be okay with and without my two cents on the matter.

3. Challenge an expert and let yourself lose the argument:

   We may meet an expert in a particular field and have plenty of questions to ask that person. And sometimes, our feelings of intimidation and our fear of rejection may stop us from asking any. I challenge you to ask a challenging question that initiates an argument or heated conversation, and then to choose to drop out of it saying " I have to go now but I have learned a lot from this conversation and I deeply respect your opinion. I may not agree but I have a better perspective on this matter after having this conversation."
    
4. Surround yourself with people that don't agree with you:

    It's comfortable to be around those who share the same values as us and who live similar lifestyles. However, how comfortable you can be in a setting where others are opposites to you says a lot about how confident you are about your own values but also how open you are to making relationships with others in a non-judgemental manner. 

5. Give a compliment:

  Give lots of them! And don't wait on it and over think what you'll say. Say it to the person as soon as you feel it. Tell them exactly what you like about them. Compliment them on things you would like to be complimented on and things they would love to be acknowledged by others. Don't hold back!

6. Sacrifice your time and/or money anonymously:

   Don't tell anyone about it. Make it a sadaqa between you and Allah.

7. Visit the underprivileged:

   Acknowledge your privilege and the blessings Allah has bestowed upon you by visiting the underprivileged  and listening to their stories. You may be surprised to know of many who used to be of high status that are now battling poverty and other difficult trials. This will remind you of the fragile nature of humanity and the fact that Allah is the only One who blesses you, and that nothing is a product of your own doing. This will get you closer to Allah inshallah and will humble you further.

8. Never be too sure of anything:

   Avoid speaking in an overly confident manner. Avoid using words such as "never"or "always". Say "inshallah" after every "I will" and remember that your plans can only be fruitful with His blessing and permission.

9. Share something about yourself that makes you feel vulnerable with a stranger:

   Find a stranger and share a part of you that is hidden to others. Don't be afraid of feeling vulnerable and open up. This will free you from caring about the opinions of others and it will shed your guard and image we are used to putting out there for the world. The more you share, the more you will find yourself in deeper, more satisfying relationships.

10. Replace "I" for "we" when speaking:

   Even when it's all you, speak for the group. Avoid pointing fingers and saying "you" when asking for something from someone. And when you present your work, speak on behalf of everyone and say "we did this." I know it may be a difficult concept to grasp, but if you can do this and sacrifice your name for the group, you're well on your way to being a more humble person, inshallah.

11. Ask someone for advice:

  Ask for someones advice. And that someone doesn't have to be a psychologist or social worker. That someone can be anyone. A child, an elderly, your mother or father. Be clear and say "I want your advice on something". Then proceed by explaining why you chose them to be the person who advises you. 

12. Challenge yourself to a one sided conversation:

  When you are in a conversation with a friend or colleague who seems distressed and has a lot to say, take some time to renew your intention and tell yourself that you will only listen and not advise. Help this person consolidate their feelings by being an active listener and letting them know they are heard. Hold back on any comments or advice and you will have accomplished something that will make you feel great and it will foster relationships like never before, inshallah.

13. Have quality time with a child:

   If children don't gravitate towards you, there may be some ego there. I suggest you read this article if you want more on the topic; "Why Kids Don't Like You".

14. Read about a topic you've never explored before:

  Read. Do a lot of reading. The more you read, the more you will realize how insignificant and ignorant we are about the world. We humble ourselves by reading. And we mustn't forget it is Allah's (subhanahu wa ta'laa) command.

15. Show appreciation for people that have helped you in the past:

  Find people who have inspired or motivated you in some way, and give them a call. Let them know that they are special to you and how they have helped you. Oftentimes, we think that our mentors are too busy or too important to connect with us which may not always be true. Connecting with them shows you are willing to put that aside and to step on your ego for a bit to let them know they are appreciated.

16. Take a break from social media:

  Social media is no doubt a festering ground for manipulating our public image. The founders of these networks rely on our human need for belonging and reinforcement that it is almost impossible to be an honest and transparent person through the Internet anymore. Try to avoid having a camera phone around to snap pictures of every moment of your life to share with friends. Live in the moment and share it with no one. You will find this will help you differentiate your private from public life and will lead to a more satisfying time that is based on honouring the present moment and not wasted by doing it just for the sake of pleasing others.

17. Have quality time with parents or grandparents:

  Learn from the older generations and respect their experience and wisdom. Ask them to tell you more about their stories. You will find lessons where you least expect.

18. Pass on your leadership to someone else:

   You've got leadership, that's awesome. But have you got leadership enough to know when to drop it for someone else? Empowering others to take on your position proves to yourself that you are not in it for dominance or power, but for a cause much bigger than yourself. If you cannot do so, then perhaps managerial positions aren't for you and maybe it's best to steer away from rankings and titles.

19. Practice being alone:

  I use the word practice because it's not an easy task. It takes self-assurance and satisfaction to be alone. To be alone is to know that this experience is only one you share with Allah (swt). Once you realize this then you will be comfortable being alone, since you are not really so anyway.

20. Go to an unfamiliar place where no one knows you:

  Blaze an unfamiliar path, find new friends and leave behind your title and accomplishments. Be a new person and you will find what remains is only your values, religion and Allah (swt). What is there more to gain from life anyway?


Best of luck!

When to Quit Your Job - Besides the Obvious Reasons

     You might be thinking, "why would I want anyone to tell me when it's time to quit my job?"

     And you're right to be wondering. Because no one should really dictate to anyone else how to live and make importance decisions in their life. Oftentimes however, we lack the ground rules to help us make such decisions. In the fear of change, we may choose to stay in the guaranteed under the illusion that life right now is probably a lot better than anything else that's out there, and that being in the job that I'm in right now is better than no job at all. 

     But when we prioritize this rational, we may begin to slowly lose the most basic substance of our humanity, which is our motivational soul. In comfort of the routine, overtime we may compromise some of our previous priorities and important values for the sake of either money, social competence, and fear of confronting our bosses and coworkers. 

    You may argue that for a satisfying life, one must not always expect others to adhere to his/her norms but must seek ways of making this slow change tolerable. I personally think that it is a careful balancing act. However, I do believe that if our most significant values to our self-concept are dissolving for the sake of garnering social points, we've committed some shirk in the process.

     Think about this, as Abeed on this earth, we are guided to a moral foundation based on serving Allah (subhanahu wa ta'alaa). The moment we compromise that foundation for the sake of pleasing other human beings and our selfish desires, we falsely lead ourselves to believe that only we are the important determining factor that controls our destiny and that Allah's role in my blessings and livelihood is only secondary to mine. 

     "He who seeks chastity, Allah will help him to be, and chaste he who seeks patience Allah will bestow patience upon him” [Al-Bukhari]

   The Hadith above teaches us one important lesson, which is that when we choose to abandon something in the fear of displeasing Allah, we are guaranteed to special care from the Al Mighty Himself. Just imagine being forced on the streets but choosing not to beg. It's certainly a difficult concept to grasp. So we let shaytan sometimes tell us to do bad for the sake of good, and that this is the only way we can live.This is in other words, to do with our hands what we believe Allah is not capable of. And that of course is an entirely false idea we need to identify and quickly steer away from.

     So, how do I balance between compromising and withholding when making my decision to quit or remain in my current position?

     What I can say based on the above is that the bottom line is, if I feel that my job is altering my feelings towards my previous values before attaining this job, there might be a problem. The solution may be to become more assertive. But oftentimes, to withdraw oneself from a negative workplace is the best option if the majority is not likely to respect or tolerate the way you choose to live.

     Add to that, I believe that compromise on the materialistic is oftentimes necessary and may be Allah's way of humbling you. If you feel that this compromise will be reflected in the livelihood and sustainability of your home then that's another story. Part of our duty as Muslims is to serve our families and make sure that their basic needs are met. Sometimes, we may quit also because we have interest in expanding our experience and advancing our careers.

     You may have other reasons for wanting to quit your job. They may not all be reasons you are comfortable disclosing to anyone or feel that they are worthy of such a decision. However, it is your job and it is therefore your decision to make. If you feel a sense of discomfort and unbelievable amounts of stress so much so that it is effecting your mental health and relationships in the home, that can be in itself a sole legitimate reason to quit.

So to conclude, this is your decision to make and if you've given it some thought and believe the only thing standing in your way is fear of change, do not hesitate. Have faith in Allah, make your decision and live your life to please Him and Him only and you will see better in upcoming days inshallah.


Your sister,

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To the Special People in My Life

  Dearest friends,

   
     I will attempt to write this as raw as possible. No edits (except spelling of course) and no breaks.

     Oftentimes when we are lucky enough to have people in our lives who make us happy, we get comfortable and assume that this should be the default state of our interactions with others. But what we forget is that knowing great people and having them there for you is Allah's mercy and blessing. If life was to take another path for me, I may have ended up somewhere on another corner of the earth, where I found nothing in common with my surroundings and ended up lonely. But instead I was blessed to know people who have helped make me grow, who have inspired me and continue to and who don't expect me to be something I'm not. I want to take the time to thank them for making me feel worthy as a human, for supporting me in everything, and for never giving up on our friendship. Lately, I have received love I didn't think was possible, let me be frank. I have been invested in my friendships for Allah's sake and I didn't expect or think that one day, I would be shown anything in return. To get appreciated is beyond what I would expect from this life and it was very overwhelming to say the least.

  They asked me, why were you surprised? Why were you overwhelmed?

  Because I realized that they saw in me what I didn't see in myself. They saw someone who deserved to be shown appreciation and love and I didn't. All of their care was a wake up call for me. It proved to me that I can't underestimate myself and that great company in this life is a big blessing that can't be taken for granted. I don't think they know that when they leave, I make dua for them and cry of happiness. They don't know that when I am with them, I say alhamdoulillah a million times that I was privileged to be in their company. They don't know how they push me to be better by just being themselves. 

    I want to also say I'm sorry and please forgive me if I may have wronged or offended anyone. Love for the sake of Allah is strong and it knows no boundaries. Although I know that life has a strange way of making people part and move on, know that in my heart, I remember you in fondness and will always ask Allah that He lets us meet in the heavens. These days I run out of words and this is a testament to the complexity of human emotion. The rest that I can't make up in words, I will make up in dua. 

    May Allah gives us all that this world has to offer in success, happiness, and family. May He also guide us to the straight path while doing so and save us from Hellfire and let us meet and flaunt our friendship proudly in front of His creation on the day of judgement Ameen.


With my utmost love, respect and appreciation,

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