A dear sister writes:
13 years old and I believed I was the only one that suffered throughout 13 years of on going problems. Be it family problems, school problems, bullying, you name it- I went through it. I went from having full faith in God to having almost none. My Iman was on a roller-coaster ride that never seemed to end. In my late teens, things got worse. I got worse. I didn't lose complete faith in God, but I was very close to giving up many, many times. I hated who I was, I hated my family problems, I hated that my grades were lower then my friends, I hated that I felt so useless. I had no idea who I was or who I wanted to be. When I entered University, it didn't change. Nothing changed in my life, other then it seemed more stressful. Family problems were at an all time high, my marks were slipping from my grasp; I was stuck on self-discovery. Alhamdulilah I never "rebelled" or did anything I deeply regret all because of a small strand of hope. A voice, really. Islam was that voice, the light, my light. Yes, there were many times where I felt so low but I always told myself to hang on to the very thin rope of hope. There was always this feeling that told me to keep going, life wasn't ending anytime soon. This light only came when I placed my forehead on to my prayer mat and reconnected with my Creator, my origins.
After 20 years of living as a Muslim, I finally realize why is it we pray. I always knew prayer was for repenting, acknowledging, our Lord, The Merciful, All Knowing, All Wise. But today is when I finally know the power of prayer. Life is hard, with the constant detours, with unpaved roads and unfortunate lack of warning signs. We push ourselves so much; it emotionally, physically and mentally hurts. We lose ourselves, find ourselves. Hurt others, hurt ourselves. Test ourselves, and be tested. Life is freakin stressful. Which is why, I think, we pray. Prayer is the biggest stress reliever. Knowing that there is a Listener Who knows exactly what is in your heart, without you whispering a sound. Knows what is in store for you, and knows what is best for you. And personally, I think that is the biggest load off and one of the biggest blessings.
Like Rumi wrote:
"“My heart is so small
it’s almost invisible.
How can you place such big sorrows in it? "
“Look," He answered,
"your eyes are even smaller, yet they behold the world.””
I am okay, Alhamdulilah. We will all be okay, inshaAllah
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